Page 62 of All Our Ghosts

I let out a low growl and ready myself again. Clearly I’m not going to get an answer other than that. I hate the fact that they’re tied to assholes like Stokes just as I’m tied to Jeremy. It seems like the people I’msupposedto run to are the ones to be scared of the most. Every cop I see sends a chill up my spine as if Jeremy’s hold on the Sheriff's office in Florida is larger than I could have imagined. That one would stop me and shuck me in the back of a van and take me back to hell and now, with the new junket still making its rounds, the worry is further rooted into my nerves.

I throw a few more punches at the bag, the frustration climbing its way to the surface again as I focus on duct-taped ‘x’ in the middle of the bag.

“Why are you angry, Kadence?” He says from beside the bag, still holding it for me as I punch it over and over.

“I’m not angry,” I bite again for the third time, “stop asking me.”

“You are. You’re angry.” He shoves the bag at me again. “Why are you angry?”

A breath releases from my lips as I catch it and shove it back at him. “I’m not angry!”

Dex steadies the bag and nods at it again, silently urging me to keep going. At this point I should stop but it feels good, the release. I hit it again and he shoves it back at me.

“Why are you angry?” He repeats, though this time I miss stopping it as it smacks into my side, forcing me back a step. I glare at him with a snarl before moving to hit it again, punch after punch, I suck in breaths and let them out quickly. Now he’s pissing me off.

“I’m not fucking angry.”

Dex shoves the bag at me again, this time knocking me on my ass as it hits me.

“What the fuck is your problem!” I yell, shuffling to my feet with the stupid gloves still on my hands. He stares at me, not moving. “Fine!”

I march toward the bag and punch it again until my hands start to hurt. “I’m pissed off. I’m fucking angry that I tried to get away, I ran. I gave up myentirelife in Florida to start new and somehow, even three thousandfuckingmiles away, Jeremy is still haunting me. Still trying to dig his fucking claws into me so I can’t live a normal fucking life!” I stumble back when the pain starts to climb up my wrists, even more angry now that the tears have started to sting the corners of my eyes.Fucking traitors, I think as I wipe my upper lip clear of the sweat that’s formed there.

“I’m angry he left,” I finally say. “I’m angry that I didn’t just tell him on the bridge that night. He asked. He gave me every fucking opportunity to tell him the truth and I didn’t.”

“Why?” Dex’s voice finally cuts through the swirling tornado of thoughts that swarms me. I don’t miss the flash of surprise in his eyes at the mention of the bridge and it only makes my heart ache that much more.

My gaze finds his, “because I was scared that he wouldn’t want me.” Dex takes a step towards me, shaking his head, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “I didn’t want to be looked at the way you, Trey, and Cole looked at me when I told you what happened.”

I let out a breath, that familiar tightening in my chest returning. I don’t want to break down in front of him, I don’t want to break down in front ofany of thembut yet, he’s right. I know that there’s still anger flowing through my veins like a sick poison.

I begin ripping at the gloves again, they feel suffocating, and I can feel the tremors start to worry my hands. He steps forward again, this time holding out his hand for me to give him. I hold them out so he can pull the gloves off of me. As soon as they hit the ground I spin from him, shaking out my hands.

“Kadence,” Dex follows me as I work my way toward the door, remembering it’s locked, I stop. “You’re angry for good reason,” he says after a moment of silence.

I turn to him. “I don’t want to feel like this, Dex. I don’t want to feel…” I pause, taking a deep breath, “weak.”

He makes his way to me, his hands resting on my shoulders. “Mama, you aren’t weak. If anything, you’re probably stronger than half the club.”

I shake my head as if his words don’t carry any weight. He’s only trying to make me feel better.

“Hey,” Dex dips his head to catch my gaze. “You did what you had to do to survive. That don’t make you weak. You could have run the moment that news report came out. Could’ve lied your way through it, and you didn’t.” His tongue runs over his bottom lip as his eyes search my features. It’s difficult trying to keep the tears from falling under the weight of his gaze. “You know what you did instead? You stared at three men you didn’t owe an explanation to and spoke your truth.” He taps my nose with his index finger. “You are thefurthestthing from weak, Kadence.”

My eyes flicker between his own, searching for any sort of deception or lie but I find none.

“Use the anger you have to take back your life and quit being angry at O’Neil for club business, yeah?” His hands drop from my shoulders as he takes a step back. “The man feels like an asshole already for having to do it. He doesn’t need you giving him the cold shoulder, even though he probably deserves it.” He chuckles. “Let me handle that.”

I stare at him. The shakiness in my hands has disappeared as he speaks. “Thank you.” My voice is a whisper but he doesn’t seem to mind it.

HOLDEN

It only takes me four days to get from Pine River to Huntsville. I fucking hate Alabama. It’s hot and muggy and if I have to see another sign aboutJesus saving me… I’m going to crash my bike on purpose. Aim straight for the guardrail. There’s nothing about me that Jesus or any other deity would be able to save. I realized a long time ago that I’m doomed for hell.

Still, a thirty-six-hour ride doesn’t stop me from needing to get the information I seek. I have to know and not from her. I want physical proof of what this dick is spewing across the country. Every shitty motel I stay at plays the same clips of that asshole’s interview over and over again. Every time I watch the fake concern pass over his features my stomach churns because even Jeremy can’t hide the dead look behind his eyes.

I’ve replayed the night I met Kadence over in my head every night since I left. How she cowered, how jumpy she is whenever someone other than Cole enters a room. It was like watching a caged animal at Marlowe's dinner, one that, for some reason, I wanted to corner and calm down. She had no reason to be scared and yet, being in a room–at a table full of people who she didn’tknow - was probably terrifying. I don’t regret kissing her. I don’t even regret the words I promised her.

But I have to know the truth, and right now, I can’t trust anyone. Not even her.

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