Page 105 of Ordinary Girl

“We shouldn’t be too late, but if you need us…”

“I’ll be fine, Lea. Go. Go on.”

“Okay. We’ll see you later.”

She closes the door and for a few moments I just stare at it, and try to process what it is that’s happening here. What I’m doing. Am I ever going to find that place where I truly feel like I belong? I’d thought it was here, with my friends, and they’re still my friends, but our lives are so different now. Too different.

I wait until I hear the front door close downstairs before I grab my suitcase from under the bed and start packing. I didn’tbring much, because I didn’thaveall that much, so it doesn’t take long. And once that’s done I haul it downstairs and pull out my phone. It’s time to get out of here…

Forty-Two

Ana

“It was a mistake.” I shrug and sit back in my seat, downing a long draft of beer. “A knee-jerk reaction. I had to go, if I hadn’t I would’ve always been thinking,what if?I didn’t want that to happen.”

“So you don’t regret going, then?” Cady looks at me, and smiles. I’m so happy she’s here.

“I don’t know. A little, maybe. I should’ve known it was never going to work out, not after everything that’s happened, but I think I panicked, you know? Getting shot really freaked me out so, yeah. I panicked. I ran.”

“It’s understandable, Ana.”

I glance around the bar, watching as a group of women in the corner celebrate what I’m guessing is someone’s bachelorette party. “I’m grateful that you came, Cady.” I turn my head to look at her. “Really. I didn’t know who else to call.”

“He would’ve come running, kiddo.”

“Would he?”

“Yes.”

I don’t know whether she’s telling me the truth or just telling me what she thinks I want to hear. To be honest, I’m not surewhatI want to hear.

Cady leans forward, resting her chin in her upturned hand. “Listen to me, Ana. What you’ve done; what you’ve gone through, I get it, okay? I more than anyone else, I get it. I leftthe club myself, remember? For a while. Because I felt it was the right thing to do, at the time. And then, when I felt ready, I came back. And nobody batted an eyelid.”

I smile, just a small one, but her kind words have reminded me how much I like her.

“Do youwantto come back?” she asks, and I don’t know how to answer that. What I want is for me to wake up and realize that this has all been nothing more than some horrific dream: Mama’s downstairs making me my favorite breakfast, I want everything to be normal and ordinary and I know it can’t be, but that’s what I want.

“I want to belong,” I say quietly, to no one in particular, I’m not looking at Cady when I speak. I’m staring down at the table, at the watermarks on the surface where people haven’t bothered to use coasters. “That’s all I want.”

“That’s all anyone wants, kiddo.”

I check the time, and I wonder if Lars and Lea are home yet. If they’ve read the note I left them, telling them I loved them both, I always would, but too much had changed. They’ll understand. They’ll also understand why I said contacting each other again would be a bad idea, we all need to move on, just, not together.

“I can’t go back to Dag and Freja’s.”

“Well, yes, you can. You’re a part of this weird, dysfunctional family whether you like it or not. Whether you choose to come back, or not. Besides,” Cady sits back, resting one arm along the back of her chair, a slightly smug smile on her face, “I’ve already told them you’re coming home.”

“Cady! I didn’t tell you I was definitely coming back.”

“The second you called me you’d already made the decision, Ana.”

Our eyes lock, and I know she’s right. She’s right.

“Freja’s putting clean sheets on the bed as we speak, and I suspect there’s something cooking on that well-worn stove of hers that you really, really like. And if the thought of Freja’s specialty chili doesn’t make you want to run home this second, I don’t know what will.”

I’ve already eaten tonight. Sort of. I didn’t really touch my Chinese food at Lars and Lea’s, in reality. Because I knew this was on the cards.

“I do love Freja’s chili.”

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