Page 92 of Ordinary Girl

“I don’t give up easily.”

“Yeah. I’m starting to get that.”

His gaze wanders over to the store. “He seems very protective of you.” He’s talking about Joel, of course. And I don’t answer him. I’m not in the mood for a conversation.

“I need to get back to work.” I check my watch, knowing full well I don’t have to rush anywhere just yet.

“You’ve only just started your lunch break.”

Further evidence, if I needed any, that he is, indeed, still watching me. “I’m not a fan of taking time out if I don’t need to. I’d rather keep busy.”

He drops his head for a second and takes a deep breath. “Lars and Lea, they miss you.”

My stomach feels like a lead weight has been dropped into it. “You’ve spoken to them?” I wasn’t expecting that, and once again it throws me. Just for a second.

He nods, and I don’t know what to believe. Why didn’t he tell me this before? Is he drip-feeding me information as a way of making sure I keep coming back? I mean, I know he told me he’d seen them; been into the little café they now run, but he never told me he’d spoken to them.

“You told them who you were?”

He nods, his gaze scanning the park. “They seemed surprised to see me, if not a little… wary, shall we say.”

“You don’t exactly have a welcoming aura about you.”

He smiles, but his eyes remain chilly. “They’d love to see you, Ana. They’ve been worried about you.”

This isn’t fair. What he’s doing here, it isn’t fair. “Don’t do this,” I whisper, and yeah, I’m almost pleading with him because it really isn’t fair. “Don’t.” I look down and take a minute. “Are they okay?” Because I want to know. I need to know, that they’re okay.

“Yes. They are, although, they’re still quite confused about everything, which is understandable.”

I look up, I meet his gaze, and his eyes burn into mine. “I was told they had to leave for their own good. I was told they could be in danger, if they stayed.”

“Is that what they told you? What Skip Larsen told you? He just didn’t want you to go running to them. He didn’t want you to leave, Ana. You were a part of Sofia he needed – wanted to keep close to him so he made sure all traces of your old life were gone.Removed. And you shouldn’t trust him. He is not your father, he does not have your best interests at heart.”

“And you do?”

“I’m your blood, Ana.”

“We’ve been through this. And I’m tired of going round in circles with you.”

“You will get hurt, if you stay in this world.”

“And your world is a snow-white utopia, huh?”

“I’m not asking you live in my world, Ana, I’m telling you I can give you a better one. You, Lars and Lea. I can give you all a safer world.”

“With you in it?”

“Only if you wanted me to be.”

“So, how can this new, safe world you claim you can give me stay safe ifyoucome anywhere near it? This is bullshit, and you know it. And as much as I would love to see Lars and Lea again, I think it’s best we all move on now.” I’m saying the words, but my heart is breaking, because there is nothing I would like more than to see my friends again. To have some element of normality back, just the tiniest piece of my old life. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose Joel. I’m still unsure as to how I fit into his world, and what the future holds is anyone’s guess, I still wake up anxious every morning. Except those mornings when I wake up with him… “I don’t want you to do this anymore. I want you to leave me alone. I want you to go. Whatever you’ve come here to do, I want you to leave it alone, and go.”

“I can’t do that, Ana. And I think you know that. What happened to your mama cannot go unpunished.”

I feel angry tears start to well up, and I furiously blink them back, I’m not crying in front of him. I don’t want him to see me weak, because I’m not. Maybe I was, once, but not now. Not anymore.

“People are going to get hurt,” I whisper, but my voice has an edge to it. A harshness verging on desperation that I hope he doesn’t recognize.

“That’s the whole point,” he replies, and his eyes are twice as cold now. Twice as dark. And I feel that lead weight in my stomach drop…

---