Page 72 of Ordinary Girl

“So, when you all told me you would keep me safe, you were lying, huh?” She crosses one leg over the other, her tanned skin exposed in denim shorts and a black T-shirt. “Because now you’re telling me that my staying here, it isn’t safe?”

“We didn’t lie. We just didn’t want you going out there on your own, after what had happened. We had no idea what was going to blow up, that’s why we kept you close. But nowhere is safe in this life, Ana. We can’t guarantee anything, I just need you to know that.”

“I know. I get it. I understand.”

She’s not the naïve kid we all thought she was. So I believe her. “But there’s a part of me that’s scared you’re going to get hurt if you stay here. If you stay with me.”

“And everything will be perfect if I disappear into the sunset with Skip?” She leans forward, resting an elbow on the table, her chin in her upturned hand. “If you don’t want me around just tell me, Joel.”

I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything before, but I’m terrified of losing her. The shit going on in my head right now is fucking real, and it’s killing me. “I don’t want you to go anywhere, Ana. You’re like this ray of sunshine that’s broken through the dark clouds and I’m not willing to give you up.”

She smiles, and when it reaches her eyes I feel my stomach somersault, and I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I don’t.

“Do you want some more eggs?” she asks, getting up and going over to the stove. “I can cook some more, if you’re hungry?”

“No, I’m good.” I get up too, go over to her, swing her around and into my arms, I just want to hold her. Feel her skin against mine. “This is all so new to me,” I murmur into her neck, breathing in her lemon-scented perfume. “Truth be told, I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”

She cups my face and smiles at me, kissing me quickly. “That makes two of us.”

“So we help each other, huh?”

She nods. “I think that sounds like a plan.”

We kiss, and every inch of me wants to scoop her up and take her to bed, but I need to be at the club. We need to try and work out what’s going down with Emil Renard, the man we think could be Ana’s father. And that’s another thing: keeping something from her that I think she deserves to know. It’simportant. He’s doing this, to us, the club, for a reason, and I think it has something to do with Ana.

“I’ve gotta go,” I sigh, reluctantly pulling away from her.

She leans back against the counter, crosses her arms and cocks her head. “Is everything okay, Joel?”

I look at her, and I don’t want to lie to her, but sometimes, when it comes to club business, I have to. Need to. Because we could still be wrong.

“Everything’s fine. It’s just club business.”

She frowns. “Be careful. Please.”

I smile. Kiss her: fight every urge I have to stay here, with her, and fuck the club. But the club is my future. It could be hers, too. I need to stay focused. “I’m always careful, kiddo.” I grab my kut from the back of the chair and pull it on. And when I look at her again her expression is a mixture of worry and frustration.

“You got anything planned for today?”

“I’m going to the store. We’ve still got a lot to do before we can open, but, I thought I might go to the cemetery first. Visit Mama’s grave.” She looks up at me, and the pain in her eyes almost tears me apart. “Is that okay?”

“You’ve got your freedom now, Ana. You can go wherever you want to go.”

“Yeah. I guess I can.”

And that means there’s a part of me that’s terrified she’ll make the most of these new-found freedoms: that she’ll walk away from me, she could be playing a blinder of a game here, after all. It’s just, I don’t think that she is. I truly believe she wants to be with me.

“I’ll get some flowers on the way. Mama always used to love fresh flowers. Daisies were her favorite.”

I go back over to her, rest a hand on her hip as I slide my fingers into her hair. “Why did you do this, Ana? Why did you change yourself? Why did you do that?”

“Because I wanted to,” she whispers, and there’s a hard edge to her eyes now. A slight coldness, and I have no idea how that makes me feel. “Stay safe, Joel. Please.”

I nod before I back away again, grab my phone, and leave.

Something feels different today. Like this is the first day of the rest of my life, and I smile to myself as I climb onto my bike and pull away. The first day of the rest of my life. Now all I have to do is make sure I don’t fuck it up.

Ana

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