Page 65 of Ordinary Girl

Twenty-Seven

Joel

“Idon’t know how to talk him out of it, Dag.”

“You can’t,” Dag sighs, stretching his legs out in front of him. We’re sitting on the porch steps, drinking home-brewed beer and eating salmon, dill and salad sandwiches fixed by Freja. “He’s made his mind up. He needs to do whatever he has to do.”

Dag Pedersen is a man most of us turn to for advice about this life we love: were drawn to, for whatever reasons, but still sometimes struggle to understand. He’s been a part of the club forever, he’s seen it all, and survived. That’s a goal not all of us are confident we’re going to be able to achieve.

“He’s not thinking straight.” I light up a cigarette and take a drag, staring out at this pretty little suburban street with its neat gardens and tree-lined pathways. It’s not dissimilar to my own, because I need an escape. Something different. We all do. Most of us, anyway.

“If what you’ve told me is true, I’d say it sounds like he’s thinking pretty straight to me.”

I look at Dag, pick up my beer and down a long draft. “He doesn’t know what he wants.” I shift my gaze back out front.

“I think, maybe, that’syourproblem, Joel. Not Skip’s.”

I frown, my eyes back on Dag. “Huh?”

“You’ve changed, too. Since Ana.”

“Bullshit!” I protest, once more shifting my gaze, downing another draft of beer. But I’m lying, to Dag and to myself. I guess I just don’t want to face it. I’d rather bury my head in the sand and ignore the truth.

“You sure about that?”

I take a minute. And I wish none of this shit was happening, but it is. And there’s not a thing I can do to change it.

“He doesn’t want her near any of us, Dag.”

“Understandable. She’s still getting used to all of this, she needs time.”

I drop my head: sigh quietly. “And he knows, how I feel about her, although, if I can’t get my head around how I feel about her myself how the fuck canheclaim to know anything?”

“Because he knowsyou, Joel.”

I take another second, and I’m not really enjoying this conversation. It’s heading in a direction I wasn’t prepared for it to go. “Why has he made it my responsibility to make sure nobody goes near her? Why has he done that, if he knows how I feel about her? If he knows we’ve slept together? Why would he do that?”

“Maybe he’s testing you.”

“Testing me? What the fuck for?”

“He wants you to take over. Only right he’d want someone he can trust in charge of this club.”

I drop my head again, let out another, slightly heavier sigh. “Well, I guess I failed on that one.”

“Is it something you both want?”

I slowly raise my gaze, my eyes locking on Dag’s.

“You, and Ana. Is it what youbothwant?”

“How… how do you know?”

“I’ve been around the block more times than I care to admit, Joel. And all you boys, you’re like the sons I never had. I know you. All of you. And I can tell when one of you is struggling with something.”

“We shouldn’t be together, Dag.” I shake my head and take a long, deep drag on my cigarette. “But I can’t stop thinking about her, and I don’t know why this is happening, I just know thatit is, but Skip, he’s gonna take her away. When he leaves, he’s taking her with him.”

“Then you need to talk to him. But only if this is something you think is going to matter. And I’m guessing it’s far too early for either of you to know that yet.”

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