Page 64 of Ordinary Girl

“Okay… Do you want a coffee?”

“I… yeah.” Why am I tongue-tied? I wasn’t like that before, I was confrontational. Ready to argue with him. Push him. Question him. Kiss him. Sleep with him… What’s wrong with me now?

He heads out back and returns with two mugs of hot coffee. I take the one he offers me and lean back against the counter.

“You don’t have to hang around. I’ve got a lot to do here.”

“You shouldn’t be on your own.”

“Are we seriously still doing that?” I’m finding my voice again, because he’s just reminded me of the fucked up way I’m being told I need to live in this world, one I would never have chosen for myself. Not now I know what the reality of it is.

“Can we trust you yet?”

I hold his gaze, feeling my confidence return. “You can trust me. I’m not running, not anymore.” Not yet, anyway. I can’t run,until I find somewhere to run to. Until I find Lars and Lea and get back to some sort of normality.

He sets his coffee down and sits down on the arm of the couch, clasping his hands together between his knees. “Have you ever had any contact with your father, Ana? Since he left you and Sofia?”

He knows I haven’t. Why is he asking this? “No.” I frown. “I have no idea where he is, I have no clue what he even looks like, I have no recollection of him, at all. And I have no inclination to ever see him again, he caused all of this. Ultimately, he is to blame for Mama’s death. If he hadn’t left her with all that debt she wouldn’t have had to go looking for the kind of work that brought her to your club. She wouldn’t be dead.”

I don’t know where all of that came from, but it needed to be said. I can blame the club; the Hawks. I can blame this life. But Mama and I would have been nowhere near any of this if my father hadn’t left us in the way that he had.

“Ana, I’m sorry.” Joel gets up. Comes over to me. He doesn’t touch me, but he’s close. So close.

I look up at him. “What are you sorry for?”

“Bringing up shit you’d rather forget.”

“I can’t forget what happened to my mama. I’ll never forget it. I’m just shifting the blame because I can see a lot more clearly now who’s really responsible.”

He takes a hand out of his pocket: gently touches my cheek, and I try not to react but the shiver that sends through me, it’s shocking.

“I came here to see you, Ana.” His voice is quiet. Serious. And I’m feeling everything all at once. Confusion. Fear. Regret. Excitement…

“Why? It’s felt like all you’ve been doing these past few days is avoiding me.”

“It fucked with my head, what we did.”

“And you think it was any easier for me?”

His hand drops, and he takes a step back. “We should’ve talked.”

“Maybe.” Our eyes lock. “You’re here now.”

He bows his head: drags a hand along the back of his neck. “We shouldn’t be anywhere near each other, Ana. It’s dangerous.”

I can’t argue with that.

He looks up, and this time there’s a determination in his eyes: a seriousness I’ve never seen before.

“But, you know what? Fuck it.” He shrugs: reaches out, wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me against him, and we fall into a kiss that, quite literally, makes my knees weaken. I grab onto his kut as his mouth grinds against mine, and I’m just living in the moment, knowing this is not where I should be. This is not what I should be doing but, like he said, fuck it!

He kicks the shop door shut and deftly flicks the lock, but we’re out on the shop floor. The window is huge, it looks out onto the street, and we both get that. Which is why he takes my hand: pulls me into the back room. And I’m not putting up any kind of a fight, because I want this man. I shouldn’t, but I do. I want him so fucking much.

“Do you want this?” he murmurs, and I nod as he lifts me up onto a small wooden table in the center of the tiny kitchen.

“I want this,” I breathe, placing my hands palm-down behind me as he yanks off my leather pants, my underwear: unzips himself, and I wrap my legs around him, throwing my head back as he pushes inside me.

His thrusts are harsh; rapid; deep, we’re both too worked up to take our time, I just want that release he can give me. I think he wants the same. And when it happens it’s beautiful and intense and crazy hot, his fingers digging into my thighs as he comes, before helping me reach my own climax, one that shakesme to my very core. I can feel him so deep inside of me, our bodies locked together, we fit each other perfectly. But he’s still everything that’s wrong for me. My mama wouldn’t want this, but I do. God help me,Ido…

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