Page 54 of Ordinary Girl

“We’ll get some of the guys to work re-fitting the interior, and start thinking about signage for the front… Ana?”

Cady’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and I look at her, blinking rapidly as I try to regain my focus. “Hmm? Sorry?”

Cady frowns. “What’s on your mind, kiddo? Because it sure ain’t this new business of ours.”

“It’s nothing. Really.”

“Okay. Want to talk about it?”

I shake my head, because I don’t, want to talk about it. What’s the point? I thought I wanted him, I thought he might have wanted me, too, but it seems I was wrong. It was nothing more than sex, for him. Just another fuck, that’s all I was. I can’t believe I was that stupid.

“Who was it?” Cady asks.

“I’m sorry…?”

“Who did you sleep with?”

Her words are like a kick to the gut. Have I made it that obvious? “I don’t want to talk about it, Cady. We should be talking about the business–”

“Uh-uh. No, lady, you don’t get away with it that easily.” She leans forward, and I breathe a sigh of relief as a waitress comes over to take our order. And even though I’m not overly hungry I order a sandwich and a soda and hope that Cady will leave this alone. But it looks like she isn’t going to. I can tell. “Alright. I’m going to hazard a guess here and say that you and Joel hooked up. Am I right?”

I just look at her, then drop my gaze and kick myself because that in itself is a giveaway. “It shouldn’t have happened,” I murmur, shifting my gaze to the window; the street outside.

“Did youwantit to happen?” Cady asks, and when I look at her this time she seems genuinely concerned. “Because I know these men. And Joel is no saint.”

“I practically instigated it,” I sigh, sitting back. I just feel defeated now. Nothing feels right, it’s like I’m still living in some kind of dream. Or should that be nightmare...?

“And now he’s just ghosting you, right?”

“He has no need to be my shadow anymore, does he? Not now you and me are working together.”

“You sound almost disappointed.” The corners of Cady’s mouth inch up slightly, and I sigh again.

“In the beginning I resented him being there, all the time. And he made it clear he would’ve rather been anywhere else, but then… I don’t know. Things started to feel different.Istarted to feel different, and I can’t explain why, it just… I felt a connection…” I throw my head back and take a breath, exhaling slowly. “Whatever. It happened, he got what he probably wanted at the time, but now…” I can’t finish that sentence. I don’t know how to. What else is there to say? I’m too confused to even try and work out what’s going on.

“Look, Ana, I know I said Joel is no saint, but he’s not exactly the devil incarnate, either. There are much worse than him out there.”

I frown. “It doesn’t matter.” I shake my head. “Forget it. I was naïve. Stupid. It’s time to move on.”

“You could try talking to him.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There could be a good reason why he hasn’t made a move since you fucked.”

“Jesus, Cady!”

“Well? What doyouwantto call it?”

Our food arrives, and I stare down at mysmørrebrød. I’ve ordered my favorite – egg and shrimp. Mama used to make the best open-faced sandwiches… “Can we just talk about something else? It was a mistake.” My eyes meet Cady’s, and the smile she gives me is full of sympathy I don’t want and don’t need. “Seriously, Cady. Just leave it.”

“Okay.” She shrugs and bites into her sandwich. “It’s probably best you don’t get involved with any of them anyway. Too much of a distraction when we’ve got work to do.”

She’s trying to be kind, but I feel like a kid who’s strayed into territory she had no business being anywhere near, and I’m embarrassed and angry at myself for going there. I wish I could take it back: rewind time and make sure it never happened. I wish things had been different, that I knew what I was doing in this strange and frightening world I’ve suddenly found myself living in, but the truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing. I just know that Joel, he made me feel safe. He made me feelsomething…

Joel

“It looks like Renard might have a connection to theBlackhawks.” Skip crosses his arms, his eyes darting around the clubhouse. I’ve never seen him this on edge before, and its unsettling. “One of his henchmen has been seen going into their compound, on numerous occasions.”

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