Page 106 of Ordinary Girl

Cady cocks her head again, she’s getting ready to ask me something I’m not sure I want to answer. “Is there anything else you love?”

“She also makes a great lemon and ginger cheesecake.”

Cady rolls her eyes, she knows I’m only using flippancy to avoid having to face up to something I’m trying desperately to avoid.

“I don’t want to throw myself into something I’m not really sure about, Cady. And I know things seemed to be going in the right direction, but they were moving too fast. We were already talking about moving in together, and yeah, the word love had been thrown around, but I’m not sure either of us really meant it, no matter what we told each other. And then this happened, and I left…”

“Hey, slow down, okay?”

I take a breath and another draft of beer, letting the alcohol settle in my stomach. It’s not really taking the edge off, but I’m not sure anything will tonight.

“Talk to him.”

“Is that what he wants?”

“I don’t know. That’s why you have to talk to him. But maybe not tonight, huh?” She finishes her drink and pushes her chair back. “Come on. Let’s get you home. I could do with a bowl of Freja’s chili myself, I haven’t eaten since breakfast. The storewas ridiculously busy today.” She smiles at me as she holds out a hand, and I take it as she pulls me up out of my seat. “I can’t wait to have you back, kiddo. I hate working alone.”

Forty-Three

Ana

When I wake up,for a second I’m disorientated, and it takes me another second to realize I’m back, in that dangerous world I tried to leave just over a month ago. Because Joel shot me. By accident. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine, but it scared me. I’ve had time to think, though, and Cady was right, I had to leave to know that I needed to come back, if that makes sense. It does, in my head. But still, facing Joel again makes me nervous. He’s President now, he has more responsibilities, more pressure, maybe me coming back isn’t something he wants on his plate right now. And I’m slowly heading toward another solo pity-party so I get up, shower, get dressed, but I give myself a little more alone time before I head downstairs. Neither Freja nor Dag asked too many questions last night, but they might today.

Down in the kitchen, Freja’s made fresh bread rolls, I could smell them from upstairs. Also on the table are a plate of freshly baked pastries, butter, jams and a pot of coffee. And as I sit down and reach for a roll I realize how much I’ve missed Freja’s breakfasts. How at home I’d started to feel.

“Did you sleep well?” she asks, pouring me a coffee.

I nod and tear the roll in half, spreading butter over one of the halves, watching as it melts into the warm bread. “Thank you, Freja. For taking me back in.”

“This is your home,” she says, squeezing my shoulder. “You can come and go as you please, we don’t ask questions here.”

I bite into the warm bread and sit back, staring out of the window and wishing I could just sit here all day eating Freja’s food and doing nothing in particular.

“Are you going into the shop today?” Freja’s voice drags me back into the room, and I reach for some lingonberry jam to spread onto the other half of my roll.

“In a bit, yes.”

“Cady’s really missed you.”

I look at Freja and smile. “I’ve really missed her, too.” It’s like I’ve never been away. I was expecting to come back to a barrage of questions but that hasn’t happened. The only one they’ve really asked is, am I okay? Which I am. I think. Still a little confused, maybe, but I’m hoping that’s going to pass.

“Where’s Dag?” I ask, realizing he’s not here, and he usually never misses breakfast.

“He’s at the club.” Freja leans back against the counter and crosses her arms. “Joel’s called everyone in, and it’s nothing to worry about–”

“Has something happened?” I interrupt as mild panic sets in. “Is everyone okay?”

“Everybody’s fine, it really isn’t anything to worry about.” She waves that comment away with a swish of her hand, and I watch her face closely. Is she lying to me?

“Does it have anything to do with what happened to my dad?”

Freja looks away, and this time there’s something in her expression that tells me she may have said too much.

“Freja…?”

“It’s nothing, Ana. Really. They’re dealing with it.”

The sound of a motorbike pulling up outside interrupts that conversation, and I get up and go to the window, my stomach twisting up into a knot as I see Joel climb off his bike and stride up the path. And there’s a part of me that wants to run, because I’m not sure I’m ready to face him just yet, but I stay rooted to the spot as I hear him open the front door; come into thekitchen. And the second his eyes meet mine I feel everything, all at once. Pain. Regret. Frustration. Fear. Love…

---