Page 100 of The Bodyguard

“I can’t believe my mum was involved.” She stares out ahead as she speaks, almost to herself, as though she’s voicing thoughts rather than having a conversation. “I can’t believe how far-reaching; how toxic the lies were. How many other secrets were there…?”

She leaves that question hanging, not expecting an answer, because there isn’t one. Not yet. The job of finding out exactly what the Nielsen family are involved in has only just begun. And as soon as we can we’ll get as far away as possible from all of it, start again someplace new, we don’t know where yet. We haven’t really talked about it, she doesn’t want to, not until she’s done what she needs to do over in the UK.

“I’m scared, Jonah.” She looks at me, her fingers tightening around mine, and I lean into her, gently tuck her hair behind her ear, and smile the kind of smile I hope lets her know that, finally, I’m not lying to her. She can trust me, please, God, let her believe that she can do that. Now. “What if they think I’m lying? What if they bring me in, too?”

“Just tell them what you know, be honest and truthful, they aren’t looking to trap you, Lena. They’re not trying to catch you out, they know you aren’t to blame, for any of this. They just need your help. You ran Nielsen Construction for years, they just need information.”

She’s not completely convinced, but she really isn’t in any trouble. She isn’t. What she is is the most useful tool we – they – have in this fight to stop the Nielsen family, and whoever else might be involved, from continuing their sordid, dangerous acts. It stops, now.

“And once it’s over, I promise you, I am going to do nothing but spend every day trying to make up for so much shit.”

She smiles, laughs quietly, and for the first time in days I see a light in her eyes that wasn’t there before. It’s dim, but it’s there, and it’ll get brighter. It will. I know it will.

“I loved my brother.”

Her voice is quiet, wavering just enough for me to notice.

“He wants to see me. They all want to see me, and I know I can’t, not at the minute, anyway, but even if I could…” She drops her head, and I feel her squeeze my hand again, and my heart aches. It fucking hurts. She doesn’t deserve this, any of it. I’m not even sure she deservesme, but I can’t leave her alone now. She’s got under my skin, we’ve been through too much together to not giveusa chance. And I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d pushed me away, given the lies I’ve told. The shit I’ve caused. But she didn’t. Hasn’t. Not yet, anyway. Who’s to say her mind won’t be clearer at some later stage, when all the anger and hurt has died down and she’s thinking straight.

“Lena, it’s okay to not be okay. About any of this.”

She looks up, her eyes locking on mine, and she shakes her head. “No, I’m fine, I just – even if Icouldsee them, I don’t know if I want to. If I’ll ever want to. I said I wanted to walk away, and I know I never saw it happening like this, but, in a way, this gives me closure. A sort of closure, anyway.” She cocks her head slightly. “Does that make sense?”

I nod and smile and run my thumb over her knuckles. “Yeah. It does.”

She smiles too, turns her head to look out ahead of her, and takes a long, deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“The taxi’s going to be here soon. We should go get our bags.”

“Another five minutes. Come on. You should be taking it easy.”

She should. She’s not long out of hospital, everything’s still very raw, but she’s stubborn. She can’t sit still, and maybe that’s because she wants to keep busy, so she doesn’t have to think about all the shit going on around her, but she needs time to heal. I hope she takes that time, once we’re done in London.

“Look, Lena, I know that sorry doesn’t even begin to make anything I did right…”

“You were doing your job. I get that.” Her eyes bore deep into mine, her face almost expressionless. Almost. “You lied because you had to, because you wanted to keep me safe. They lied because they wanted to. They had a choice.”

She lets go of my hand and pushes herself carefully to her feet.

“We really should make a move.”

I get up too, and follow her inside.

“Lena?”

She stops, and turns around. She doesn’t need to be here, with me. She could’ve told me to go. She could’vemademe go, it couldn’t have been easy for her to hear the truth. Her family’s lies. My lies. My relentless, dogged determination to find out the truth about Mikkel Nielsen. But she didn’t. She listened. She believed me. She told me she didn’t want me to go anywhere, we were going to be okay. And I have to hold onto that, and believe she means it.

“I love you. I have loved you for a long, long time, I just need you to…”

She shuts me up with a kiss, her hand cupping my cheek as her lips move against mine and I hold her in my arms, so tight I worry I’m hurting her.

“I love you too,” she whispers, pulling back slightly, and when she smiles I feel my heart react, and it takes my breath away. “We’ll get through this, Jonah.”

She’s right.

We will.

Eventually.

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