Page 70 of The Bodyguard

“You really fell for her, huh?”

“I was starting to. And the fact I did that, that I let that happen, that just proves I can’t do this anymore. I thought I could, but I don’t think I can. I don’t think I want to.”

“Everything’s just a little crazy right now, Jonah. That’s all. It’ll calm down…”

I shake my head. This might sound like a rash decision, but after a fortnight of being stuck in this safe house, alone, I’ve probably given it more thought than I’d realised. Lena was the turning point for me. She’s both the reason why I’m in this mess and the reason why I’m glad it happened. I needed that push. A reason to walk away, from this.

“I’m leaving, Flick.”

“You should talk to Marianne…”

“I’m leaving. Now.”

“Hang on. You’re just going to walk out of here? Knowing that Mikkel Nielsen could be looking for you? Jonah, come on, that’s madness!”

“You said it yourself, you don’t know for sure that he’s looking for me.”

“And you said you were certain a man like Nielsen wouldn’t let what you did go that easily.”

“If he was serious, I think he’d have found me by now. He’s a dangerous man, but a very clever one. He has contacts in a wealth of high places, maybe even here, in the service. I could be in just as much danger in this safe house as I am walking the streets.” I set my coffee mug down on the table and slide my hands into my pockets. “I need to find her, Flick.”

Flick’s eyes widen. “You’re going to look for Lena?”

“Yes. I’m going to look for Lena.” And that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since I walked away from her. I’ve been thinking abouther. I’ve never stopped thinking about her, and that’s why I can’t keep on doing this. I can’t.

“That’s a really bad idea, Jonah.”

“Maybe.” Definitely. “But I need to find her. I need to talk to her.”

“You might as well walk right up to Mikkel Nielsen and tell him to shoot you.”

“I’m done doing things because I have to. Following rules got me nowhere, I lost Kate because I followed rules. Because I adhered to protocol, I’m not doing it anymore.”

“So, whatareyou going to do?”

“Disappear.”

Flick frowns. “I don’t like this, Jonah.”

“I’m going to find her, Flick.”

“Please don’t do this,” Flick whispers, but my mind’s made up.

“I’ve already contacted Gideon. A new passport and papers are all ready for me, if anybody’s keeping track of my movements my name won’t be on any travel documents, no flight manifest, I know how to do this. You know I do.”

“Have you had this planned all along?”

“To a point. When I had a feeling things may be going a little off track. I wanted something there, a back-up, just in case I had to make this decision.”

“This isn’t something you’re rushing into at all, is it?”

Flick’s shoulders sag, and she leans back against the wall and lights up another cigarette.

“No. In hindsight I should’ve gone back for her; got us both out of there, but one of those rare moments of clarity made me think twice. Now I’m going to do what I should’ve done in the first place.”

I smile at her, and she returns it, although hers is weak. “You’re going to get hurt, Jonah.”

“Taking risks makes me feel alive. And I’ve been dead inside for far too long.”

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