Page 63 of The Bodyguard

She hugs him. And I watch as she closes her eyes and holds onto him, and I feel my stomach do a downward dive, so much so I struggle to catch my breath. Is she changing her mind? Having second thoughts? It wouldn’t be a total surprise if she was, but if she decides to tell her father exactly what I told her, it’s not going to end well for me. At the same time I asked her to trust me, I had to putmytrust inher. And I hold my breath as I watch that hug. Watch her pull away. Walk away. Back to me. Watch her father disappear into a crowd, and I know this could be the perfect time to make a move. To get out of here. To do something I should think twice about, but I’m tired of playing by the rules now. Tired of thinking twice and letting it cause damage. Thinking twice got Kate killed. I’m not prepared to lose someone else like that. Not again, not a second time.

“Are you okay?” I ask her, and for a second or two she doesn’t reply. She just looks at me, glances back over her shoulder, and my heart is banging so hard against my ribs it hurts.

“I’m fine.” She turns her head and smiles the smallest of smiles. It’s alright. She’s on my side.

“We should go. So I need to ask you again, Lena, are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you want to be with me?”

“Are you lying to me, too?”

I breathe in deep and lock eyes with her. She needs to know she can trust me, or this can’t happen. It won’t work, and I need it to work. I needher. “I will tell you everything as soon as we’re somewhere safe. I promise.”

She holds my gaze for what feels like an eternity, breaking it only to glance around the room one more time. And again I feel my stomach dive, and I take another breath to steady nerves I never thought would hit me. But they’re there. And they’re real. Because this is reckless and dangerous and I haven’t thought it through the way I should’ve done, but we don’t have time on our side.

“Are you ready to go, Lena?”

“Are we coming back?” she whispers, her eyes back on mine. And there’s a sadness in them that hits like a punch to the gut, and for a second I contemplate telling her to stay. To forget me, because I’d have to leave, if I did that. I’d have to.

“I don’t know.”

And that isn’t a lie. That’s the truth. I don’t know.

She folds her arms, drops her head, and I swear my heart is about to come crashing out of my chest, any second now.

“I care about you, Lena. So fucking much.”

She raises her head, and when she looks at me this time there’s a hint of brightness returning to her eyes. A flicker of something good.

“I tried to pretend – tried to believe that pretending was all we could ever be but it isn’t enough. I don’t want to pretend anymore, I want it to be real. I wantus.”

“Okay.” She smiles again, but it’s still weak and struggling to reach her eyes, but I’ll take it. “Let’s go.”

She has no idea of the risk she’s about to take, and that tells me a lot, about her. She’s fearless and strong and she knows her own mind. She knows this is crazy and wrong and still she’s willing to follow me to Christ knows where. Because she feels the same way I do? That must be the reason. Why else would she do this?

I reach out and press my hand against her cheek, my thumb stroking her skin. And I lean in to kiss her, a real kiss. The kind of kiss I’ve wanted to give her for so long. A deep, soulful kiss, and she holds onto me, her body pushing against mine. And nobody’s pretending anymore.

Fourteen

Lena

I lean into the window and rest my forehead against the glass as the taxi takes us – takesme– further and further away from my family.

They lied to you.

And you don’t even know what those lies were.

You know nothing.

And yet, you’re here, with a stranger.

A stranger…

My head’s a mess. Now we’ve left the party, and I’ve had time to think, there’s a part of me that’s wondering just what the hell it is I’m doing here. I’m confused, I’m tired, and I’m scared. Yeah. I’m definitely scared. Have I been really stupid? How do I know I can trust this man? Really trust him? Because heaskedme to? Is that enough? Jesus. I can’t breathe. My throat’s tightening, my chest hurts, I’m gasping for air…

“Hey! Lena, look at me. Lena, look at me!”

I turn my head, and I look at him, but I’m panicking. I really can’t breathe. And I’m trying to tell him that, and he reaches out and cups my cheek, and he’s talking but I can’t make out what he’s saying because all I can hear is my heart beating; a loud, rushing noise filling my head.

“It’s a panic attack, do you hear me? It’s a panic attack. So you need to slow down. Lena, can you hear me? Can you try to calm down? Try to breathe?”

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