Page 77 of The Bodyguard

“You need to go.”

Jonah shakes his head, and I hate that he’s this stubborn. He knows the risks, he’s not stupid.

“You aren’t safe here.”

“I know.” He stares into my eyes and I feel a wave of fear engulf me, not just for him, but for me, too.

“So why are you doing this?”

“Did you not hear what I said? I love you, Lena…”

“It can’t happen,” I whisper, and I’m looking into his eyes and it’s tearing me apart but I’m right. How could this ever work? “I can’t walk away from my family, and they are never going to accept you, so this – it’s impossible.”

He bows his head and his shoulders tense, then sag. He knows I’m right. He knows.

“I’m so sorry, Jonah.”

He looks up, his eyes meet mine, and I feel a pain so raw flood every inch of me, so much so I have to shift my gaze.

“I need you to go,” I say quietly, because I don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention our way. But there’s already been some, after all, I’ve been coming here alone for all this time and now I suddenly turn up with a strange man, and that wave of fear hits me again. I shouldn’t have brought him here. What on earth was I thinking? It was too open, too obvious, people have seen him. My father – or those I’m still almost positive he’s sent to watch me – could have seen him… “Please, Jonah, get out of here. We shouldn’t have come here. We shouldn’t have done this…”

“Come with me.”

“Don’t you get it? Even if Iwantedto go with you it would mean a life of looking over our shoulders, and I can’t do that. I don’twantthat.”

“I can make it work.”

“How? You can’t, Jonah. And youknowthat, you know there is no way this could ever work, because you know men like my father.”

He drops his head again, and this time he seems almost defeated.

“It’s for the best.”

He slowly raises his gaze, and I feel my stomach give a painful jolt, causing me to swallow hard.

“I won’t give up, Lena. I promise you that. And believe me, it’s a promise I don’t intend to break.”

Nineteen

Lena

He wanted to walk me home. I said no. And I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d let him, not because I don’t feel safe, I do. The restaurant is just minutes away from my pretty little rented home, I’ve done this walk countless times over the past few weeks, it wasn’t my safety I was worried about. I just wanted to spend a bit more time with him. Pretend that everything he said was true? That hecouldmake this work? He can’t. And he knows that. But maybe, for a moment, we could’ve pretended that we were just another ordinary couple. Something we can’t ever be, and it hurts. It fucking hurts.

It's just starting to get dark, and I stop for a moment and look up at the sky, and I know I can’t stay here forever, but I’m not ready to go home just yet. I’m not ready to face my family, to listen to their explanations, they lied to me. So did Jonah. I don’t know who to trust anymore.

Digging my hand into my pocket I pull out my keys and head towards home. My temporary home. I open the gate and make my way up the crazy-paved path that leads to the front door, and I’m just about to slide the key into the lock when my phone vibrates. Digging my hand back into my pocket, I pull out my phone and read the message. From Jonah.

I’m not giving up.

I wish he would. But, at the same time, I gave him my number, which kind of tells me something. I just wish he’d realise this is a game he can’t win, and the longer he stays here the more danger he’s in. The longer he stays here the more painful it is for me, to know he’s so close and yet, we can never be together.

I don’t reply to his message. What would be the point? I slide my phone back into my pocket and open the door, flicking the hall light on as I kick it shut behind me. I’m tired, even though it’s not that late. And all of a sudden my idyllic little hideaway doesn’t feel so idyllic anymore. He walked into it, and he changed it, because he brought reality crashing back into my world and I’m not ready to face it. Not yet.

Dropping my bag onto the hall floor I kick it underneath the shoe rack and quickly check my reflection in the small, square mirror above the semi-circular hall table. I look exhausted. For the first time since I arrived here in this place where nobody knew me I look tired and drained and I’ve got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just can’t shake, and I want it all to go away. I want to curl up in a ball and pretend none of this is happening, which I know, now, is exactly what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. Hiding. Pretending. Ignoring shit that isn’t going to go away, no matter how much I want it to.

Dragging a hand back through my hair I turn away from the mirror and head down the hall towards the kitchen. I pour myself a glass of water and take a moment to breathe. To get my head together. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and find out all of this has been nothing but a dream, and Jonah didn’t just walk back into my life and turn it on its head, again. All over again.

I pick up my glass, take another sip of water, and head out of the kitchen and into the living-room, placing my glass down on the side table next to the door as I reach over to switch the light on. And that’s when I see him. A stranger, sitting on the chair next to the fireplace, his face calm, expressionless, almost, and for a moment the breath catches in my throat, and I try to scream. I try, but I’m not sure any sound comes out, I don’t think it does. And this man, he just stares at me, shaking his head, and I start to back away, out of the room, I need to get out of here. And then I stop. I stand still. Because I know who he is, this man who’s invaded my space uninvited. I know exactly who he is…

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