Page 53 of Toy Boy

My heart does that leaping thing again, except, it doesn’t feel the same as it did before. This time, I feel something else. Fear? No. Fuck that! Where Scott Warren is concerned that feeling – that emotion, it doesn’t exist. Why would it? I have nothing to fear from him.

But he has everything to fear from me…

She lifts her gaze, and she isn’t smiling anymore. “There’s something different about him. And I don’t know what it is, but it’s unsettled me a little bit.”

“Different, how?”

A slow smile starts to creep back across her face, and she shrugs. “It’s difficult to explain, he just seemed… more open.” She shakes her head before dropping it again. “I don’t know. And then there’s Hanna.”

“Hanna?” I frown, what’sshegot to do with any of this?

Megan lets out a heavy sigh and looks up, staring out over the beach. “She was supposed to go to some party last night, but ended up bailing at the last minute, according to her friends… And she was late for work this morning, which is so unlike her, and once shedidarrive she seemed really distant. I asked her if anything was wrong, but she said she was fine… I feel like I’m betraying her, Xander,” she says quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on the beach. “Like I’m doing something behind her back, and I know it’s stupid, but…” She finally looks at me, shooting me the smallest of smiles. “She really likes you. And I know you said you let her down gently, but I feel so guilty encouraging her to talk to you when I knew that I felt something…” She quickly looks away again, I think she’s embarrassed, but she shouldn’t be. She feels something for me. That’s good. That’s how it was supposed to be. What wasn’t supposed to happen was for me to feel anything at all, but I do.

“Hanna seems like a great girl, she’s just – she isn’t right for me, Megan.”

Her eyes are back on mine, and she smiles again, a much brighter one this time. “How is she going to feel when she finds out we’ve been…?” She stops talking, and bites down on her lip again.

“Finds out we’ve been, what? Seeing each other?”

“Is that what we’re doing?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“I… Okay.”

“Does it matter? How Hanna feels? It shouldn’t matter how anyone else feels, Megan. All that matters is howyoufeel. About this. Us.”

The smile she gives me this time is weaker. Like she isn’t totally on board with all of this, and I want her to be. So fucking much.

“I care about her, Xander. And the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, in any way.”

“It’s not like you stole me away from her. You did nothing wrong,wedid nothing wrong. I didn’t lead her on or make her think there was any chance that her and me could be anything other than friends, so stop torturing yourself.”

“Do you think what happened – do you think that had anything to do with her not going to that party? Was she upset…?”

“Megan, come on. Look, she came to see me, later, after I’d tried to let her down gently. She brought me a sandwich and we had another chat. We cleared the air, or at least, I thought we did. She seemed fine, so, can we stop talking about her now and concentrate on us? Please?”

She smiles again. “Okay. I’m sorry, it’s just that – I should’ve said something, the second I knew she was interested in you. But we’d only just met, and what was I supposed to say to her? I had no idea we were going to end up here.”

“Where? On my porch steps, eating chicken fajitas and drinking beer from the bottle? I’m such a catch!”

She laughs at my attempt at self-deprecation, and that seems to have lightened the mood a little. I hope.

“I should probably say something to her. Just in case she still thinks there’s a chance…” Her expression changes, her brow furrowing. “Is there a chance that you could…?”

“None. Not even a small one.”

“Okay.” Another smile, and her shoulders visibly sag with relief.

“And you don’t have to tell her anything, Megan. None of this – us – it has nothing to do with anyone else. But, you know, we probably can’t keep it a secret for much longer. I mean, I haven’t been here, in Beachcastle, for all that long, but I’ve been here long enough to know that it’s a small town, and secrets never stay secrets for long in small towns.”

“Tell me about it,” she sighs as she stares out to sea again, watching as the sun slowly starts its descent.

“And when itdoescome out, that you and me are seeing each other, well, I’m sure Hanna will be fine about it. I’m sure everyone will.”

Everyone except Scott Warren.

Which is exactly the plan…

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