Page 47 of Toy Boy

“Megan?”

The way he’s looking at me, it’s confusing, and I’m still too wary of him to think that this is anything other than a way to get me back on side. That’s how much I don’t trust him.

“I can’t do this now, Scott. I’m at work.”

“Meet me for lunch. It’ll have to be at the hospital, I’ve got major surgery this afternoon, but… I need to talk to you, Megan. Please. It’s just lunch, in a busy cafeteria, you won’t have to be alone with me.”

Being alone with him doesn’t bother me, I was never in any danger with him. He isn’t that kind of man.

“Please.”

“Okay.” If only to end the begging, because I’m finding it increasingly disturbing. “Okay. I’ll meet you for lunch.”

“Thank you.”

The relief in his voice is obvious, and I wonder if I’ve done the right thing, but in reality I don’t think he was going to give up until I’d agreed to give him this time. I may as well get it over with, then I can get back on with my life.

“I’ll meet you in reception. Half past twelve?”

“I’ll see you then.”

If I have to.

“Look, Megan, I’m glad you’re giving me this chance…”

“Later, Scott. I’ve got a café to open.”

He nods, sighs, and digs his hands into his pockets as he walks away. But I stay where I am, staring after him, because something just doesn’t feel right. He seems different. Or is that exactly what he wants me to think? And I hate that he’s done this to me, made me trust people less, because I do, trust people less. And now I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve given Xander – a man who’s still a relative stranger – more trust than I should’ve done; let him into my life too early when that was something I told Laney I would never do again, after Scott. But, you know? What does it matter? I’m just having fun, right?

I head back towards the café, and spend a minute or two checking the tables over, even though they’re fine. It’s a café I’m running here, not some Michelin-starred bistro, and in reality I’m just trying to eke out a few more minutes on my own, but I can’t stay out here forever.

Back inside, Hanna’s busying herself preparing pancake batter in the corner of the kitchen, and I watch her through the serving hatch as she and Iona chat away, and she seems a little more lively than she was when I spoke to her not ten minutes ago. Which makes me feel better, I really was quite worried about her.

My phone suddenly alerts me to a new text message, and I pull it from my pocket and check the screen. It’s Xander, thanking me again for last night; telling me he’s looking forward to seeing me later. I was looking forward to seeing him, too, until Scott showed up. Now I’m not sure it’s a good idea, me going to his place tonight, but I think that’s just me over thinking things. Scott’s fault entirely, and I’m not going to let him ruin whatever it is I have with Xander. Whatever the hell it might be.

It's fun.

Just fun.

Remember…?

And I think that’s the way it should stay…

Xander

Scott Warren is a big deal. A renowned surgeon, a powerful man, someone with immense influence. But he’s also a weak man, in some respects. When it comes to relationships he's quite obviously driven by his ego and his own hype, and there’s a part of me that’s struggling to understand why someone like Megan could be attracted to a man like him. Maybe it was that whole saving her life thing, I mean, that’s a biggie. Going to be hard for any man to live up to that one.

I’ve spent the best part of an hour sitting out on the deck in front of the shop, finding out as much as I can about Megan’s ex. And right now I’m scrolling through an article written about him during his time in Europe. His ridiculously handsome face stares back at me from my phone screen, the man looks more Hollywood icon than heart surgeon. Neat, dark hair, chiselled jaw line, bright-white smile, this guy’s obviously broke as many hearts as he’s fixed. He broke Megan’s. Fucking idiot!

The article hails him as a genius of his time. A teacher who’s leading the way in research and new techniques, it’s nothing but a fawn-fest, making out the man can do no wrong, but he’s far from perfect. Megan deserved better.

Sliding my phone into my pocket I get up and head down onto the beach. It’s still quite early, but there are a few people already out and about, making the most of the peace and quiet because if the sun decides to finally come out today this place could be packed by lunch time.

I watch a handful of surfers out at sea, riding the waves, I’m planning on going out there myself later. It’s the only time I get to feel truly free. Completely alive. It’s my therapy. And I suddenly find myself smiling, because I’m thinking abouthernow. Megan. She’s coming over tonight, and just like yesterday I need to find a way to fill the hours until I see her again, because I miss her. I didn’t want to, and it’s not a good idea to let these feelings take hold, but yeah. I miss her. She’s good for me, but she shouldn’t be. This wasn’t the plan, it’s a distraction I don’t need, but it’s happening. And I just need to work around that now.

Crouching down, I run my fingers through the coarse sand, and it makes me long to be back in Queensland. I miss the beaches there. But it’s so far away, Australia. And if I hadn’t been so far away, when everything happened, things might be different. I’ll never stop believing that, or blaming myself, even though it wasn’t my fault. Not entirely. Others need to be held to account too, and that still eats me up inside, I shouldn’t have to shoulder all the blame.

Dropping my head I breathe in deep, I need to control this shit.

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