Page 34 of Toy Boy

“Whatdoyou want to talk about, then?” he asks, and I feel my stomach jolt as his thigh gently brushes against mine, accidently, I’m assuming.

“I don’t know. Do we have to pick a particular topic?”

“No. We don’t.”

His thigh presses against mine a little harder this time, so no, I’m not sure that first brush was accidental after all.

“But I’m pretty much okay with talking aboutyou, Megan.”

My eyes are back on his, and he holds my gaze with the kind of intensity I’m not sure I was ready for. This is kick-starting all kinds of confusion, I’m at a loss as to what to do next, I mean, I haven’t done this kind of thing since – well. Forever is what it feels like.

“What do you want to know?” I ask quietly, and I think I’m okay with his thigh resting against mine now. Yeah. I’m definitely okay with it.

“Why are you so worried about what other people are feeling, for starters?”

“Like Hanna, you mean?”

He shrugs. “It’s not like she’s your daughter.”

“I still care about those kids. Me, and the people who work with me, we’re a little family, and I’d like them to think they can trust me.”

“You aren’t doing anything wrong, you know that, right?”

“WhatamI doing, exactly?” My eyes burn into his, and the corner of his mouth slowly shifts upwards.

“Whatever youwantto do. The ball’s in your court.”

Alright. Not sure I’m comfortable with that, is he giving me permission here? For what? To kiss him…? And where the hell didthatcome from? When did kissing him become something I’d even started to think about?

“I’m open to anything.”

Is this really happening? I’m this close to getting up and leaving, I can’t evenseemy comfort zone now, it’s so far away. “I don’t even know what you mean by that.”

I do. I know. And he’s very much aware of that, but I think I’m just stalling for time, if I’m being honest. I’m scared, of the way this is going. I don’t trust myself, and I don’t trust him, and then it all happens at once. Everything is taken out of my hands, before I can even take another breath his mouth is touching mine, so lightly it barely skims the surface of my lips, but it’s enough to make my head spin and my stomach act like it belongs to a crazy, infatuated woman who shouldn’t be doing this…Ishouldn’t be doing this…

Fuck it!

Sliding a hand around the back of his neck I pull him down for a longer, harder kiss. One that lets me feel the full weight of his mouth on mine, and it’s beautiful. He tastes of beer and burger and it’s surprising how erotic that actually is.

“You get the idea now?” He grins, and I smile, and then we both start laughing because this is ridiculous! Just a few days ago my life was fine. It was good. It was safe. And then I heard Scott was back, and that pissed me off, but just a few minutes after I got that shitty news this man appeared, from out of nowhere. And all of a sudden I’m feeling things I never thought I’d ever feel. Is that a good thing? Probably not. But I might just run with it, and see what happens.

“We shouldn’t do this out here.” I move away from him, just a little bit, but enough to create a sliver of space between us. “This place gets a whiff of gossip and you can wave goodbye to any limited privacy you might’ve been lucky to have had before.”

“You’re scared people will talk?”

“Yes... No. Not scared, exactly, I’m just not over keen on my private life being this summer’s entertainment. Any more than it already is, anyway.” I draw my knees up to my chest and hug them, my eyes back on the beach and the sea and, yes, I’m trying to ascertain if anyonedidsee what just happened there. Because I care, and I hate that I do, but I have no idea whatthisis. And until I get a handle on that, I don’t want any of it broadcast via the Beachcastle Bay grapevine.

“Okay,” he sighs, matching my stance. “But just know that I wanted that to happen.”

I turn my head, just slightly, and throw him the smallest of smiles. And I don’t have to say anything, because he knows. He knows I wanted it, too. And I did, want it. More than I care to admit.

“I should probably go home.” I’m saying the words, but I don’t really want to go anywhere. I want to stay here, with him, drinking beer and waiting for the sun to go down. And then what? I have no idea.

“I don’t want you to go.”

I look at him again, and I still find it hard to believe that someone like him would want someone like me, and I think that’s what’s holding me back. I’m just not sure.

“You don’t trust me, right?”

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