Page 112 of Toy Boy

“Why are you worried aboutme?I’m fine.”

“What did he plan on doing, when he confronted Scott?”

“They’ve already spoken, and I wasn’t there when it happened, when he finally confronted Scott…” That’s a slight lie, I heard the tail end of that conversation, but that’s not something I want to share with Josh. So it’s a lie I need to tell.

“So, you and Xander…?”

“He’s going back to Australia. As soon as you’re all done with him, he’s going to start making plans to leave Beachcastle Bay. He’s going to put the past behind him, once and for all. And I think that’s something we should all think about doing, don’t you?”

“Well, wearedone with him.”

I feel my stomach dip, and I take a breath. “Then he can start making those plans to leave, can’t he?”

There’s another moment of silence, and I again turn my head away and watch as a fresh batch of tourists board the boat for an early evening outing.

“Do you want him to go?”

I don’t answer Josh immediately, because I don’t know what to say; how to answer that.

“Mum?”

“I just want everything to get back to normal, Josh.” I look over at the café, a business I love, and I need to get back to concentrating on that. No more distractions, they’re not good for me. “I’d better go and check on things over there. It’s not long until we close, and I need to make sure I have a list for the wholesalers tomorrow. I’ll call you later.”

“Do you want to come to ours for dinner tonight?”

I look at him, and I smile. “I just want a quiet night.”

“I promise I won’t nag you.”

He will, though. He doesn’t always realise he’s doing it, but he does have a tendency to slip into detective mode, especially when he’s subtly trying to gain information from someone, including his own mother. And I’m just too exhausted to deal with that tonight.

“I know. And thank you for the invitation, but you and Natalie get precious little alone time together as it is. Enjoy your evening, just the two of you.”

He frowns again. “You sure? We’re getting fish and chips from Baxter’s. I’d even stretch to a battered sausage, just for you.”

I laugh, because he’s trying to cheer me up, and I love him for that. I love him, full stop. But I really do just want to be on my own tonight. “A lovely offer, and I’m tempted, but I’m still going to pass.” I drop a quick kiss on his cheek and give his hand a squeeze. “I’ll call you soon. I promise.”

“Do that. And Mum? Take care.”

“I will. Go on, go. I’ve still got work to do even if you’re done for the day.”

He leaves, a little reluctantly, he keeps glancing back over his shoulder until he’s around the corner, and only then do I breathe a sigh of relief. Only then do I take the deepest of breaths, give myself a shake, and smile. Today may just have been the reset my life needed. The realisation that I really don’t mind being alone, my life is fine without a man to complicate it. My life is absolutely fine…

20

Xander

With Ray already on his way back from Canada, that means I can finally start to make plans to get out of here. The days since Scott’s accident, they’ve shown me how a small town can change its opinion of an outsider it had initially welcomed with open arms, thanks to gossip and misinformation. And even though I’m only talking about a small group of people here, not everyone blames me for what happened to Scott, I still think it’s time to go.

I haven’t seen Megan, since the accident. That was a few days ago now, and I don’t know how Scott’s doing, I think he’s still in hospital, but apart from that I know nothing. I wanted to call her, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. So, again, I left the ball in her court but she hasn’t exactly been in a rush to contact me, either, so maybe leaving it this way is the best thing, for both of us. A clean break. Walk away from a situation that should never have happened in the first place.

I’m supposed to be booking a flight back to Brisbane, but so far I’ve done little more than stare at the laptop screen. So I shut it down, get up, and head outside, and hope that somebody out there needs my help with something. A surf lesson. A new board. Anything to distract me for a while.

Sitting down on the edge of the decking out front I watch the busy beach, packed with people enjoying the sunshine. I got used to this little seaside town pretty quickly, and I wasn’t really supposed to settle in or find new friends, I never came here to lay down roots. But I think I was starting to do that.

Sighing quietly, I haul myself to my feet, grab my board from the shop, lock up, and head down the beach towards the sea. There’s a bit of wind, a big enough breeze to create a few waves, enough for me to be able to lose myself out there for a little while. And as I run into the sea, throw my board down onto the water, lie down and paddle my way further out from the shore, it’s like all those doubts, all those worries, all the shit I caused and wished I hadn’t, it’s all flowing away. Leaving nothing but me and the waves…

Megan

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