Page 118 of Toy Boy

She’s right. It is.

“Alright. Let’s do this,” she sighs, turning her head away to look out of the window, and I know that’s because she’s crying again. She’s done a lot of that over these past couple of weeks, most of the time she’s tried to hide it. Tried to pretend she’s fine, she’s getting through it, but we both know it’ll take a little longer than a few days for her to even start to get over this. Even I’m still struggling, in my own way, I still can’t get my head around the fact Scott’s gone. But he has. He’s gone…

***

“You okay?” Josh asks, handing me another glass of wine before shoving a cocktail sausage roll into his mouth.

“Of course I’m okay. Shouldn’t you be at work by now?”

“I’m not in until tomorrow.”

“Nothing exciting going on that needs your attention then?”

He looks at me, and he smiles. “No. It’s not exactly The Wire around here, but I’m almost gagging for a meaty case to get my teeth into.”

“Well, let’s hope nothing too dramatic happens for a while, hmm? We’ve had enough trauma around here for now. I’d be happy with a little bit of peace and quiet… When was the last time you ate anything?”

I think it’s obvious that the answer to that was a good few hours ago judging by the way he’s filling the white paper plate he’s just acquired with more sausage rolls, two slices of quiche, a chicken drumstick and a huge spoonful of potato salad.

“To be honest, I only came here because I knew Dean would be putting on a buffet.”

“You could try showing a little respect, Josh.”

He looks at me, and shrugs as he takes a bite out of the chicken drumstick. “I’m showing respect. I’m here, aren’t I? And to be honest, Mum, isn’t it better to be honest than to pretend I ever really liked the guy? I didn’t. You know that.”

Only too well. “Okay, but remember, there are people here this afternoon who are devastated by Scott’s death.”

“Does that include you?”

His eyes meet mine and I hold his gaze. “I’m sad he’s gone, yes. Nobody deserves to have their life cut short by anything, least of all a tragic accident.”

“I’m still calling it karma.”

“Jesus, Josh, come on!”

But his attention has returned to the buffet, and the various plates of finger sandwiches that have just been put out.

“You should try grabbing a proper meal every now and again,” I say, sipping my wine as I watch my son refill his plate.

“We’ll get a take-out later.”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

He picks up a sandwich and pulls it apart to see what the filling is. “You heard from Xander by any chance?”

I wasn’t expecting that. And just hearing Xander’s name delivers a punch to the gut I also wasn’t expecting. “No. And I don’t expect to. He’s gone, for good.”

“Seems odd, that he just upped and left like that, though. Don’t you think? Before Ray got back from Canada.”

“Odd that he left a town that was all but blaming him for what happened to Scott?”

“Not everyone blamed him.”

“Nobody should’ve blamed him, it was an accident.”

“I know. I saw the paperwork. But, in all honesty, Mum, I don’t think anyonereallyblamed him for Scott’s death.” He picks up another sandwich and finishes it off in two mouthfuls. “Did they?”

“I don’t know, I stopped listening to gossip a long time ago.”

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