Page 106 of Toy Boy

“I think… I know it’s such a cliché to say we can still be friends, but I’m not really seeing it as that. I’m seeing us being friends as a huge step forward.”

“Because you never wanted to be anywhere near me before?”

I’m saying that with my tongue in my cheek but it’s the truth. And she knows that. But she smiles as she tries to keep the mood upbeat.

“Do you think we can be friends? This is a small town, it’s going to be difficult to avoid each other.”

“Avoiding you is the last thing I want to do, Megan.”

She smiles again, and it hurts like hell. She has a beautiful smile. And I took that away from her.

“What does Josh think? About us being friends?”

“It has nothing to do with him. Or Laney.Ichoose my friends, not them. And I’d really like us to try and get along.”

“Put the past behind us?”

“Yes. If we can.”

I’m not sure I have that much of a choice now. “I’d like that.” I smile, too. And I wanted so much more, but the reality is I was never going to get what I wanted. I used to. I expected it, but now – everything’s changed.

“Good.”

She comes towards me, leans into me, and drops a quick kiss on my cheek. Throws me another smile. And then she makes her way to the door.

“It’s time to move on, Scott.”

“I know.”

I was ready to. With her.

It was never going to happen.

“Tania would be good for you, by the way. You should give her a chance.”

I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know if I’m ready. But what I do know is that I don’t want to use Tania as some kind of tool to help me get over Megan. I’m really not the man I used to be.

She lets herself out, and I lean back against the wall, drag a hand through my hair and close my eyes. I breathe in deep and exhale slowly, there’s nothing more I can do now. It’s over. I thought coming back to Beachcastle Bay was the right thing to do, but in hindsight it was a mistake. And I’m not sure I want to be here anymore…

Xander

I know Megan said to wait, to meet her this evening, after I’d closed the surf shop, but I can’t wait that long. I’ve already made my decision, I know what I’m going to do; what Iwantto do. I just need to talk to her.

I locked up early, popped into the café to see Megan, but she wasn’t there. Nobody knew where she was, exactly, just that she’d taken a break. It’s not unusual for her to leave the café for a bit, take a walk along the beach, which is the first place I looked. But I couldn’t find her, and in all honesty, it was so packed out there this afternoon I don’t think it’s the kind of place anyone would come to grab a quiet few moments.

I try calling her, but she doesn’t answer, and I don’t bother leaving a message. I don’t want to do this over the phone, I want to tell her in person. I want to look into her eyes and see her reaction, only then will I know if I’ve made the right decision. And if I haven’t? Am I still going to stick to my guns? I don’t know. Not until I see Megan.

Jumping into my car I turn on some music and pull out of the parking space, out onto the road. I drive along the coast, try to see if Megan’s taken a longer walk, maybe she needs to think. About me? Us? I hope so. And I can’t help smiling, I feel like a giddy kid who’s just spotted their pile of birthday presents.

Tapping my fingers on the wheel to the beat of the music, I pass a row of quaint looking shops – a gift shop selling all your seaside staples from beach towels and sun hats to buckets and spades, a small grocery store, an ice-cream parlour, a souvenir shop and a hairdressing salon. There’s also an amusement arcade at the end of the row, and that’s pretty busy right now, despite the fact it’s far too nice a day to be indoors, in my opinion. Although it’s probably full of kids grabbing a little bit of freedom away from the adults. Can’t blame them for that, I’d have been the same at their age. And then memories of my mom flood my head, and I know that if I had my time again – if she hadhertime again, I’d never leave her for long. I certainly wouldn’t have moved to the other side of the world.

Swallowing hard as those memories overwhelm me, I turn up the music and keep driving, keep glancing out at the masses of people taking a stroll along the coastal path as the warm afternoon sun continues to shine, and I don’t want to feel this anger burning up again, it’s a waste of energy. I really do want to put the past behind me, I want to move on. With Megan. Just, please, God, let her feel the same way…

Scott

“I thought we could have dinner, tonight. We can talk more about tomorrow’s interview, maybe you can give me a few pointers.”

“You don’t need me to tell you anything, Scott, but dinner would be lovely.”

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