Page 103 of Toy Boy

I reach out and steal a couple of fries from his plate, nibbling on them as I look out over the harbour; the crowds of people walking past the café, the hum of laughter and conversation filling the air. “I know. I just…” I look at him, pick up a napkin and reach out to wipe a small blob of ketchup from the corner of his mouth. And as I start to pull my hand away he gently grasps my wrist, his eyes locking on mine.

“I haven’t handled this well at all, I’ll admit that. I should’ve told you the truth the second I knew I was starting to feel something for you.”

“You should’ve told me the truth from the beginning.”

“You would’ve walked away.”

He lets go of my wrist and my arm drops. He’s right. I would’ve.

“And I would never have got to know you, Megan. So I can’t regret what I did. I’m just sorry that I had to play it that way, in hindsight it wasn’t the best idea.”

“No.”

As much as I want to carry this on, I’m not ready to do it here, out in the open.

“Meet me later. Outside the Fish and Chip shop on the corner of Sandy Lane. When are you closing the surf shop?”

“Six thirty.”

“I’ll see you at seven.” I scrape back my chair and head back inside. Now I just have to work out what I’m going to say to him. Because even I’m not sure how this is going to end.

Scott

Lunch was nice. Really nice. Tania’s great company, she’s quick-witted, an excellent listener, and she makes me laugh, which is never an easy thing to do.

“It’s been good, seeing you smile so much,” she says as we say goodbye outside my house. I want to invite her in, but there’s a part of me that’s telling me not to. A voice inside my head urging me to leave it, for some reason. “I’m almost sure we never used to see you smile all that often before.”

“Are you insinuating I was a miserable sod?”

“I’m not insinuating anything.”

I laugh as I haul my golf bag from the car, slinging it over my shoulder. “For your information I wasn’t miserable, I was just brooding.”

She throws back her head and laughs out loud. “Hah! Is that what they call it?” Then she leans in to me and drops a kiss on my cheek, her hand stroking my arm. “This has been nice, Scott. We really should do it more often.”

Yes.

We should.

So, why don’t we…?

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Tania.”

She pulls her hand from my arm and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I really thought she knew the score, that she understood I couldn’t give her anything more than what we already have, I’m not done fighting for Megan. Maybe I’ll never be done fighting for Megan.

“Yes. See you tomorrow.”

She backs away, turns around, and heads down the driveway to her own car parked out on the street. “Tania?”

She stops. Turns around. And the smile’s gone from her face now.

“This interview. I won’t let you down, I promise.”

An interview I don’t want to do. But a promise I intend to keep. She deserves that, at least.

“I know you won’t.”

I watch as she turns back around and walks to her car, and I keep watching until she drives away. And I shake my head and try to tell myself that pushing her away like this, it’s for the best. I’m just not sure I’m still believing that anymore…

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