Page 101 of Toy Boy

“Yes, because they want you to do it, tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? That’s a bit short notice.”

“Someone’s going to sit in your office and talk to you, what preparation do you need?”

“I have surgery tomorrow.”

“No you don’t. I’ve already checked your schedule, and don’t you start backing off from this now, Scott. You promised me you’d do this.”

I did, promise her. And I don’t want to let her down, but the thought of putting myself out there, now, after what’s just happened with Xander, it’s not something I’m keen to do.

“Scott? You’re not going to let me down over this, are you?”

“No,” I sigh, dragging a hand back through my hair. “But you know about Xander, and what happened with his mother, I really don’t want to open that wound up again. I don’t want to have to go over that story, again, so if they ask me about it…”

“They won’t.”

I look at her through slightly narrowed eyes. “They won’t? You seem very sure about that.”

“I’ve had a word with them, set out a few guidelines, and although they do want to talk to you about your research, they won’t ask you about specific events.”

“That’s what they toldyou. What they choose to talk about once they’re alone with me could well be a very different matter, and it’s difficult to talk about my research without bringing up that period in my life. That surgery, it exists now, and they’re quite obviously going to want to talk about it.”

“Then find a way to talk about it that suitsyou, Scott.”

“They could still mention it, in the finished article, even if they don’t ask me anything about it in the interview. It’s out there in the public domain, Tania, it’s no secret. The only secret is the identity of the patient who lost their life. And Xander Johansson may himself choose to expose that secret, if he wants to continue to punish me. Which could very well be the case.”

“Then talk tohim. Find a way to move forward, for all of you.”

I feel the corner of my mouth inch upwards, I can’t help it. “You moving into counselling now?”

“No.” She throws me a smile back as she pulls herself away from my car. “I just think that you could do a lot of good for the hospital with this interview. And at the same time give your reputation a nice little boost, too.”

“I don’t feel like I have the right to be pleased with my success, Tania. It came at a very high price.”

She comes over to me, cups my cheek and kisses me quickly. And again I feel nothing but grateful that she’s here, and I wish with all of my heart that I felt something for her other than friendship, but I don’t think I do.

I don’t think you’re allowing yourself to…

“You can’t keep letting the past drag you down, Scott. You are an extremely successful, immensely talented surgeon whose work deserves to be talked about. And please, remember, you didn’t kill Xander’s mother. You didn’t. Things go wrong, in any surgery, even the most routine. You aren’t to blame.”

“Xander thinks I am.”

“And maybe you’ll never change that. Maybe that’s something he’s just going to have to learn to come to terms with, but youcouldtry talking to him again.”

“I don’t think it would do any good.”

I reach for her hand, and the feel of her fingers curling around mine is wonderfully comforting.

“Then let’s just try to move on, okay?”

“Okay.” I smile and kiss the tip of her nose, and she laughs, and for a moment it feels like everythingisokay. Maybe it could be, if I let it. I don’t know.

“Anyway, I didn’t just come here to nag you, I came here to see if you fancied lunch at that new pub that’s opened up in Brockfield. They’re doing special opening offers, and I heard a rumour their steak and ale pies are even better than Dean’s.”

“But we probably shouldn’t tell him that, right?”

“Right.”

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