Page 100 of Toy Boy

“How much do you really know about this Xander, Mum?”

“More than I did this morning.” I open the fridge again and take out the butter.

“Huh?” Josh frowns again. “What’sthatmean?”

I shut the fridge door and lean back against it, clutching the butter to my chest. “Josh, sweetheart, can we please leave this interrogation until tomorrow?”

“I’m not interrogating…”

“You are, kind of. And I really do just want to sit down, eat hot buttered toast, and drink the last of this wine. Alone.”

“Okay,” he sighs, pulling himself away from the counter, his arms still crossed against his chest. “I’m out of here.”

“Good!” I kiss his cheek and give him a gentle nudge towards the door. “You can see yourself out. I need to check on my toast.”

He finally leaves, and I grab a plate, butter my toast, pick up my re-filled glass of wine, and head into the living room. Taking off my shoes I curl my legs up underneath myself, switch on the TV and bite into the toast, closing my eyes as the butter melts in my mouth, this is exactly what I need. Something comforting and familiar amongst all the ridiculous, confusing shit going on right now.

Staring at the TV as I finish my toast and drink my wine I let my mind wander, I’m not watching anything that needs any kind of concentration. And I hate that it’s wandering to Scott as well as Xander, and that there’s a part of me that actually feels sorry for my ex-husband. A little.ShouldI feel sorry for him? When he told me about this patient dying – about Xander’s mum, although I had no idea about that at the time, and neither did he – he seemed genuinely cut-up about it. He seemed sad, almost, did it really affect him that much? I don’t know. He’d never been one to show any amount of regret before, so, is he really a changed man?

My phone alerting me to a new text message interrupts my musings, and I reach for it, checking the screen. It’s from Laney.

Anything you want to tell me…?

I quickly tap out a reply.

No.

Wait a couple of seconds…

Seriously…??!!

I pop the last bit of toast into my mouth and wonder if I should just ignore Laney now. And then I realise I can’t do that, she’ll just keep texting until she gets a response. So I quickly shoot off one last message telling her I’ll call her tomorrow, everything’s fine, good night. She fires back a heart emoji and I hope that’s the last I’ll hear from her. For the next few hours, anyway.

Keeping my phone in my hand I find myself still staring down at the screen, as though I’m waiting for something to appear. Another message? Who from this time…?

“This is ridiculous,” I mutter under my breath, gathering up the empty, crumb-filled plate and the glass with a few dregs of wine sitting at the bottom and I take them into the kitchen, stick them in the dishwasher and switch it on. I grab a fresh glass and fill it with water before checking the French doors are locked. I go back out into the hall and do the same with the front door before heading upstairs. I’m suddenly swamped with tiredness, it’s been a strange night. I’m just hoping things will look a little clearer in the morning, because then – well, I might have some decisions to make…

18

Scott

My heart wasn’t in it, that game of golf. I played like shit, which is exactly what I, apparently, looked like too, according to my playing companions. Fellow doctors. Acquaintances rather than friends, and not people I would usually choose to spend my free time with. Not anymore. Work is still something that’s extremely important to me, but whilst once it used to occupy so much of my time, both inside and outside of the hospital, now I’m finding myself wanting – needing – to step back more and more. To find a life outside of medicine.

As I leave the clubhouse and head for my car, I notice someone leaning back against it, and as I get closer I can’t help smiling. It’s Tania. She’s still here, still wanting to be in my company despite everything that’s happened with Megan and Xander, because I told her everything. In confidence, of course, and with a stipulation that Greta Featherstone was to be kept well out of the loop. I had to talk to someone. I had to get all that shit off my chest, and whilst I would still rather Megan was that person I could turn to, Tania has been nothing but kind and supportive, when she could’ve just walked away. But she knows the score. We’re friends, good friends. Very good friends, and I like being around her. A lot.

“I didn’t know you were a member of this golf club?” I open the boot and place my golf bag carefully inside, that’s one very expensive set of clubs there. A present to myself when I landed back on UK soil.

“I’m not. I hate the fucking game.”

I close the boot and slide my hands into my pockets. “So, how did you get in here? Dennis is a stickler for not letting non-members over the threshold.”

She waves a dismissive hand in the air. “Dennis is a pussycat.”

I can’t help smiling. “Can anyone say no to you?”

“Well,youtried, but ultimately failed. And that’s why I’m here, actually. I want to talk to you about that interview you promised to do.”

I throw my head back and sigh, I’d forgotten all about that. “Do we have to talk about that now?”

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