Page 39 of Beautiful Dangerous

“I’m not hungry.”

“Have you eaten anything today?”

“Have you?” She finally looks at me, and for a brief moment our eyes lock, but in a heartbeat she’s turned away again. And the moment is gone. “Let’s go home. It’s the only place I really want to be right now.”

Olivia

As soon as Lucca pulls up outside the house I jump out of the car and practically run inside, heading straight upstairs. I want to get out of these clothes, take off this mask, and for a moment or two remember the girl I used to be; escape from the woman this world turned me into, just for a little while.

“Olivia!”

I can hear him calling me, but he’s the one I’m running from, if truth be told. And as soon as I reach my room I close and lock the door behind me, change into jeans and a T-shirt, and wash the make-up from my face. Staring back at me from the mirror now is an older version of who I once was. A tired version. There are more lines around my eyes, eyes that are filled with more sadness than I care to admit, as well as a fear I’m trying to ignore.

And a love you’re trying not to acknowledge…

“Olivia? Are you okay?”

He’s outside the door, because of course he was going to follow me. Of course he was.

“I’m fine!” I shout through from the bathroom. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to see anybody, but especially not him. Not right now, I need to be alone.

“Open the door, Olivia, come on. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“I said I’m fine, Lucca.”

“If you need to talk…”

Throwing my head back and sighing heavily I leave the bathroom and reluctantly open the bedroom door. “You think I need to talk?”

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

He leans against the doorpost and crosses his arms, his ice-blue eyes locking on mine. “You’re not okay, Olivia.”

“I’m not sure it’s in your job description to assume how I’m feeling. And you standing here is only wasting time we can ill afford to let pass. There are things you need to be dealing with, remember? Urgent things. And I’m not one of them.”

“Everything can wait five minutes.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Can it? Go do your job, Lucca.”

I kick the door shut in his face, flicking the lock and leaning back against it, closing my eyes and breathing in deep.

He’s right.

I’m not okay.

But I have to be.

I have to be…

Lucca

Accepting something is one thing, but dealing with it is a whole other complication. A dangerous one, and I have no business even thinking about it. It should be pushed to the darkest corner of my mind and remain there, it shouldn’t ever see the light of day. But knowing that, and actually undertaking it are two completely different things. And I’m struggling. For the first time in my fucked-up life I’m struggling.

“You got eyes on him?”

I’m on the phone to one of our most trustedSicarios. A man I know can deal with our “problem” without any fuss – cleanly, carefully, and with no blowback on the cartel. I’ve explained what we need, it’ll be over before the day is out. Another problem solved. But there are still a shit-load more to deal with.

---