Page 100 of Snowbound with the Santas

Things I had been certain were never for me. Each piece of furniture carries a memory, whether it be sexy and fun or more relaxing, like reading a book, watching a movie, or playing shadow puppets against the fire. I learned how to fish, how to survive in the snow, and how to trust.

Even beyond the cabin, the thought of that glow cave Archer took me to makes me feel giddy. And the hot spring with Nick was gorgeous. I have so many memories in such little time, and I don’t ever want it to end.

Will pregnancy do that? Will the baby be the end of my Christmas romance, or will it be the beginning?

“Rayne?” Nick appears behind me, and I spin around. “Are you okay? I was calling your name for ages.”

“I’m sorry.” I laugh awkwardly. “My mind was miles away.”

“No worries. We’re ready to go if you are?”

“Of course!” I pat my thick coat. “I’m all good.”

The one thing that doesn’t change is how terribly biting the cold is. We hike from the cabin up to the hot spring, and it takes just under an hour. Inside the cave, the pool loses a little bit of its charm since there are no floating candles, but the warmth is just as welcoming. Frankie leads the way, and this time, instead of stopping at the hot spring, we walk along the path where thewater bubbles past the rocks and into a small river that feeds to the mouth of the cave.

It’s there we stop, and Frankie approaches the edge. From where I stand, it looks like he could step out onto the very tops of the trees that stretch out like a soft white blanket. You wouldn’t even know there was an infinite drop-down sheer rock face from this angle.

Frankie sighs deeply, then reaches into his deep pockets and pulls out a small black urn. Archer stands next to him and Nick remains back with me.

“You ready?” Archer asks quietly.

Frankie nods. My heart goes out to him the moment I see his eyes shine. I can’t fathom how strange and painful it must have been to see Cecil again after all these years, but in a stroke of luck, it was the closure they both needed.

Punching Cecil didn’t make things better, just like killing Ashton wouldn’t have made things better for me.

The only true way forward is acceptance. And letting go.

“Harry,” Frankie begins. “You were a champion. The best man I ever knew. The best brother a kid could ask for. You always did what you could to help people, so I guess it was natural that you turned to the military. You were the funniest, kindest, most annoying guy I ever met.”

Archer snorts softly in amusement.

“But you were a real one. You never let me down. And in a way, you brought me Archer. He’s a pain in the dick, but he’s a brother. He takes care of me and I take care of him. And… I know you would be happy that I found someone. Someone who loves me for me. Someone who sees me the same way you did. As a person. So… you can rest now, pal.” Frankie’s voice trembles. “You can rest now.”

Archer places his hand on Frankie’s shoulder as Frankie removes the lid from the urn. Then, together, they tip the urnover the edge of the cliff. We watch in silence as the ashes pour down and catch in the wind, drifting away in the air to settle in the most beautiful forest.

After a few long moments of silence, Frankie straightens up and when he turns to face us, it’s clear something has changed. Like a weight has finally lifted.

“Man,” he breathes, quickly wiping at his face. “I never thought I’d be brave enough to do that. To say goodbye. Letting go felt far too hard.”

“I’m proud of you, brother,” Archer says, lightly ruffling Frankie’s hair. “Harry would be too.”

“Y’think?”

“We know so,” says Nick. “You’ve got a family. A pretty swell girl.” He sends me a wink. “An amazing job. You deserve to be at peace now as much as he does.”

Frankie sniffs and nods repeatedly. “Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.”

They’re right. Frankie does have that. And I do too.

And yet, the prospect of telling them my news is terrifying. There’s no part of me that’s ready for this to end, no part of me that’s ready to say goodbye to them just because my IUD stopped working.

It plays on my mind in a loop all the way back to the cabin. It haunts me as I take a shower to wash away the cold. And it weighs me down as I settle in the lounge with hot chocolate beside the roaring fire and surrounded by the men I love.

Men who have taken me in, cared for me, protected me, and loved me.

Fuck.

“You okay?” Archer asks, lounging next to me. “You’ve been so quiet today.”

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