Page 43 of A Christmas Mystery

I’m bewildered and giddy both as I step inside to greet Ed and Claude.

It was a strange night but a good one.

I have no complaints.

Eight

IT’S BEEN TWO DAYSsince I’ve sent a message to my pen pal, and the next morning I sit down to pull up his last message with an odd, heavy sense of guilt.

The feeling is ridiculous. I have nothing to feel guilty about. I don’t even know who this man is.

But I’ve spent a long time—nearly a year—talking and sharing and debating with him on topics ranging from our first kisses to world politics. I’ve developed a relationship with him even though it’s all been online.

And now I’m going to have to pull back.

Not entirely but not insignificantly.

It doesn’t feel like I can continue as I’ve been with this man while I’m pursuing whatever this thing is with Theo.

It’s hard. Unexpectedly wrenching. But I know it’s the right thing to do.

Last night, he sent me a quick message.Hey, just checking in. Everything all right? I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. Hope all is well.

It’s a thoughtful message. Neither pushy nor presumptuous given the nature of our correspondence. I would have found it strange if he hadn’t followed up.

So I need to send him a response this morning, and it takes a long time for me to compose the message.Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I’ve had some relationship stuff going on, and I think I need to focus on that right now. I’m not going to disappear on you, but we’ll need to slow down a lot. I’m really sorry to do this so abruptly. You’ll never know how much you’ve meant to me over the past year, but I can’t split my heart in two. I pray you find your heart’s desire waiting for you where you least expect it—this Christmas or sometime very soon.

I’m crying by the time I’ve tapped out the final word, and I hit Send before I can second-guess myself.

After I blow my nose and wipe my face, I look back at my screen. He must be online checking messages right now because a response comes while I’m still sniffing.

I understand.

After a few more seconds, another line appears.I hope you find what you’re looking for, and I hope you’re able to give yourself permission to do it without holding back.

I start crying again, and when the third message comes through, I’m full-on bawling.

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