Page 25 of An Engagement Pact

When Dan returns, we join a larger conversation, and I relax since the number of people isn’t overwhelming and everyone is particularly friendly. After a while, Joey announces that we’re going to play a couple of party games since Carlton doesn’t like parties that are nothing but small talk.

That’s even better because it gives us something very definite to do rather than hang around and mingle.

Soon I’m actually having a good time and even have a second glass of wine. Dan and I are sitting on a love seat together, and he’s got an arm around me, so we look like a couple. It’s nothing inappropriately intimate, but it makes me feel fluttery and excited anyway.

After a while, someone new arrives who I’ve never met before. There aren’t any empty chairs, but Dan pulls me over onto his lap so the newcomer can have the other half of the love seat.

The gesture still feels casual. Laid-back rather than romantic or sexual. But it startles me. I’m not used to sitting on anyone’s lap. I don’t know exactly how to arrange my hands and feet, and Dan’s got one arm possessively around my middle.

“Try not to act so stiff,” he murmurs, tilting my head down so he can say it into my ear. “People are going to assume you don’t even like me.”

I gulp and do my best to relax, leaning back against him and adjusting the placement of my butt so I’m more comfortable physically.

But I’m not comfortable mentally. It feels like my head is a rush of chaotic feelings and sensations. And I can’t help but be acutely conscious of Dan’s lean, firm, warm body beneath mine. His strong arm around me. His other hand occasionally playing with the ends of my hair. The feel of his laughter and the texture of his voice.

If we were really a couple, I’d love it. All of it. But none of it is real.

So I love it and hate it both, and the conflict flurries inside me until it genuinely feels like I might explode.

When the game is over—it was a relaxed wordplay game that I wasn’t too terrible at—it’s time for cake and to open presents. Everyone rearranges their positions, so I can finally get off Dan’s lap.

Hopefully no one else saw how nervous and giddy the whole thing made me.

But I unfortunately suspect that Dan might have noticed.

Nothing I can do about that.

***

IT’S WELL AFTER MIDNIGHTwhen we’re finally on our way home. I’m still feeling uptight and self-conscious about the whole situation, but I’m trying not to show it.

I’m getting a hundred thousand dollars for this. The least I can do is manage to do a decent job acting like I’m in love.

Dan isn’t saying much, so I’m worried he’s disappointed in my performance. When he puts the car into park in the driveway of Jim and Esther’s town house, I finally burst out, “I’m sorry I was stiff!”

He turns his head with a confused frown. “What?”

“I’m sorry if I was kind of stiff earlier. When we were acting like a couple. I’m doing my best, but I don’t think I’m a very good actress.”

“Oh, it’s fine. Maybe I should have asked first before I pulled you into my lap. I shouldn’t have made you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s my fault. Not yours. We agreed to act like a couple, so that’s what I should have done. I’m not sure why it made me so nervous, but you didn’t do anything wrong.”

His expression relaxes. “Okay. I’m glad you didn’t think I overdid it. I thought it was fine. No one else probably noticed you were all jittery.”

“Jittery? You thought I was jittery?” My eyes get big and round.

He chuckles. “Well, yeah. You were definitely jittery.”

“I wasn’t that bad!”

“Okay.” His mouth twitches. “If you say so.”

“I’m just not used to this sort of thing. I thought it was going fine, but then... then... after yesterday...”

He sighs. “I know. I get it. I misread the moment yesterday, and I’m sorry about that. It’s not going to happen again.”

I should feel better at his reassurance, but I don’t. I don’t like the way he says it. And I don’t like the resignation I can see on his face. In a rush to somehow fix it, I start babbling. “It’s not that I didn’t like it. The kiss, I mean. I just think it’s safer to stick to us being... being professional. Like this is a job. Things get messy when the lines get blurry, so I just think it’s—”

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