Page 65 of Counted

He’d barely gotten his mouth open when his eyes landed on Eve. She was curled up on her side on the bed, facing away from him. Small and fragile. Wounded.

His heart clenched painfully, and whatever he’d been planning to say died in his throat.

Without a word, he climbed onto the bed beside her, turning onto his side and spooning her from behind, wrapping an arm around her to hold her against him.

She started to shake.

“Baby, please,” he murmured hoarsely.

She made a strangled sound, so he held her tighter.

He waited a few minutes until she’d controlled the shaking. Then said, “If I did something to upset you, you have to let me know. How can I apologize and fix things between us if you don’t even tell me what it is?”

“You didn’t do anything, Jude,” she choked out. “Except insist on being thoughtful and considerate when I’d rather you leave me alone.”

His chest and throat relaxed. “Okay. I’m glad it wasn’t something I did, but I still need to know what it is. Can’t you tell me what’s wrong? You’ve been crying.”

“I’m crying because I’m trying not to dwell on things, but you won’t let it go. So I can’t… I can’t move on and be normal.”

He heard her. Believed her. “But you weren’t moving on. You were upset by whatever it is all day.”

“I was trying not to be.” She’d grabbed his hand and was hugging it toward her chest. At least she wasn’t pushing him away anymore. “I can’t always… make my feelings go away.”

“Maybe if you’d tell me about them, it wouldn’t be so hard for you to carry.”

She tensed up briefly before intentionally relaxing. Then she asked in a different tone, “What do you think I’m upset about?”

“I thought I’d done something wrong.”

She gave a dry little chuckle. Her face was still tearstained, but she wasn’t crying anymore. “You didn’t. It’s kind of sweet that you immediately tried to take the blame, but you haven’t done anything wrong. So Jude, use that huge brain of yours and think about it. What do you think I might be upset about?”

He thought about it. It took him an embarrassingly long time before he landed on the obvious answer. He stiffened. Sucked in a breath. “You’re upset about… aboutme?”

She let go of his hand and turned over so she was facing him. Their heads were only a few inches apart. “Why the hell do you sound so flabbergasted?”

He gave a huff of instinctive amusement at her choice of words but then focused on what was more important. “You’re upset because I’m dying?”

“Of course I’m upset about that, Jude! How can you possibly think I wouldn’t be?”

“I know it was upsetting at first, but then you processed it and seemed… better.” He was peering at her expression closely, trying to figure out what she was thinking, what all this might mean. “All day you’ve been upset about me?”

She let out a long breath. “Yes. I’ve been upset about you. It comes and goes. I’m sorry it hit me like this today. I’ve been trying to let you simply enjoy yourself while you can, but today…” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jude.”

He pulled her against him, wrapping both arms around her. “You don’t have to be sorry. You should have told me before.”

“I didn’t want to bring you down.”

He brushed a few kisses into her hair. “In the future, angel, the surest way to bring me down is for you to be upset all day and refuse to tell me why.”

She giggled against his chest. Then something hit her again, and she started to shake with silent sobs.

He hugged her tighter. Didn’t say anything.

He’d always known Eve cared about him in theory. After all, the shock of hearing his prognosis last month had made the blood drain from her face. It had made her vomit. She’d known him all her life. Their families were close. Of course she would care if he died.

But they’d never been intimate, and even now he’d assumed most of her feelings for him were sympathy and responsibility. She felt sorry for him. She wanted to help and take care of him. Give him a few good final months.

But it must be more than that for her. She’d connected to him personally. Emotionally. She was going to miss him when he died. Enough that she needed to cry about it sometimes.

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