Page 36 of Prize for the Alien Grumpus

"You must be Melanie's father." Krampus sets the massive tree down with impossible grace, not a single needle falling. "Nice to meet you. Perhaps you should use your primitive..." He coughs. "That is, your google search engine to dox me, as the parlance of our time dictates."

I arch an eyebrow at him. What game is this oversized blue menace playing now? He shoots me back a grin that makes my stomach do a little flip.

Dad whips out his phone, fingers flying across the screen. His eyes widen. "Well, I'll be..."

I peek over his shoulder. My jaw drops. There's Krampus - or rather, "Dr. John Smith" - throwing the winning touchdown at the Super Bowl. Another picture shows him accepting some fancy medical award. News articles detail his groundbreaking legal cases.

The sneaky alien hacked the entire internet. And somehow managed to do all the Christmas shopping while he was at it.

"He really is the perfect man," I whisper to myself.

We gather around the dining table, and I brace myself for the interrogation. Mom and Dad waste no time.

"So, John, tell us about your practice." Dad leans forward, ready to pounce on any inconsistency.

"Criminal defense." Krampus spears a potato with his fork. "I believe everyone deserves a second chance."

Mom beams. "How noble! And you still find time for football?"

"The team understands my priorities. Speaking of which..." He reaches for my hand across the table. "Meeting Melanie changed everything."

My cheeks burn. The worst part? He sounds sincere.

"And your medical work?" Dad's not giving up.

"Trauma surgery. Nothing beats saving lives." Krampus winks at Sam, who giggles.

I watch in amazement as my parents soften with each perfect answer. Even Dad puts his phone away and starts sharing his old college football stories. Mom practically glows when Krampus compliments her earrings - which he somehow knows were a gift from Dad thirty years ago.

The giant blue menace is actually charming my parents. Who knew he had it in him?

Sam's head droops over her empty plate.

"Someone's ready for bed." Krampus stands. "May I?"

"Of course!" Mom jumps in before I can object. "Melinda, let me help you clean up while John puts Sam to bed."

Sam takes Krampus's hand, and they head upstairs. His massive frame makes her look even tinier than usual.

"He's wonderful, dear." Mom starts collecting plates. "Why didn't you tell us about him sooner?"

I stack glasses, buying time to think. If she only knew the blue-furred truth under that human disguise. Though I have to admit - when he's not smashing things or eating roller skates, he's surprisingly... capable.

"Come on, Mom." I stack plates with more force than necessary. "You and Dad haven't exactly been supportive of my decisions."

Mom's lips purse into that familiar disapproving line. "That's because you make such poor choices, dear. The deadbeat who left you with Sam. That ridiculous art degree before you finally studied something practical. Moving across the country away from us."

The ceramic plate in my hand trembles.

"Mom-"

"But John!" Her face lights up like Christmas came early. "He's clearly a good decision. A doctor and a lawyer? And so handsome. The way he looks at you..." She sighs dreamily. "Not to mention how wonderful he is with Sam. Did you see how she just adores him?"

"That's one of the reasons I love him," I reply automatically.

The words hit me like a bucket of ice water. My hands freeze mid-wipe on a wine glass. Did I just say that? Did those words actually come out of my mouth? About the alien criminal currently tucking my daughter into bed?

My chest tightens. The room spins slightly. I grip the counter edge, trying to ground myself.

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