Page 19 of Prize for the Alien Grumpus

I burst through the front door, nearly tripping over my own feet. Mrs. Peterson's group stands at the end of my walkway, their faces lit by battery-operated candles.

"What do you think you're doing?" The words come out as a screech.

Mrs. Peterson's carol cuts off mid-verse.

"Why, Mel dear, it's our annual?—"

"Annual noise pollution? Yeah, I can hear that." My hands ball into fists. "Some of us are trying to sleep. Or work. Or literally anything that doesn't involve listening to your off-key warbling."

Gasps ripple through the group. Mrs. Peterson's hand flutters to her throat.

"But last year... you and Sam made us cookies."

"Well, this year Christmas is cancelled." I stomp down the steps. "And so is your pathetic excuse for entertainment. What's next, interpretive dance? Mime? Just take your dollar store candles and go cry in your egg nog, you tone-deaf losers."

Tears well in Mrs. Peterson's eyes. The group backs away, muttering. Someone whispers "How could she?" Another adds "What happened to her?"

"And stay off my property!" I shout as they hurry away.

Lights flick on in neighboring houses. Curtains twitch. Tomorrow, the whole neighborhood will know what a massive jerk I've become.

But at least they'll be alive to gossip about it.

I slump against the door frame, my heart hammering. Behind me, Krampus's low chuckle fills the air.

"That was quite a performance, magnificent one."

I whirl on Krampus, jabbing a finger into his broad chest.

"You need to fix that death ray right now. No targeting humans. Period."

"But-" Krampus starts.

"No buts! And from now on, you run every single change to my house by me first. I mean everything. If you want to hang a picture, I need to approve it. If you sneeze and dent a wall, tell me before fixing it. Got it?"

His ears droop.

"As you wish, magnificent one."

"And stop calling me that! I'm not magnificent, I'm mortified. Do you know what you just made me do? I had to act like a complete psycho to save Mrs. Peterson and her tone-deaf choir from getting vaporized!"

"The security measures were for your protection." Krampus insists.

"The whole neighborhood thinks I'm a total Karen now, thanks to you." I sink onto the couch, head in my hands. "I have to live here, you know."

A strange gleam enters his yellow eyes. His fangs flash in what might be a smile.

"Then I have a proposal that will solve many of your problems."

My stomach drops. That look can't mean anything good. I've seen it before - on Sam when she's about to suggest something completely unreasonable, like getting a pet T-Rex.

"Tell me what it is." I sigh, already regretting the words. "I just know I'm going to regret hearing this."

"We could simply leave this planet." Krampus spreads his arms wide. "Return to my time, in the future. Then your neighbors won't be a problem because they'll have turned to dust long ago."

My jaw drops. The mug slips from my fingers, but Krampus catches it before it hits the floor.

Leave Earth? The only home I've ever known? Sam's whole life is here - her school, her friends, everything she's ever known. And what about my job? Okay, scratch that last one. After tonight's revelations about Mr. Gregor, I doubt I still have employment.

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