Page 50 of Two Weeks in Tahoe

Suddenly, it all feels like too much, and I feel tears start to form. Liam pulls me into his arms, his hand gently stroking my hair.

“I’m proud of you,” he whispers in my ear. “If it’s truly your dream job, you should take it.”

My heart cracks at the sadness in his voice. Even though this is hurting him, he still wants me to do what’s best for myself. I’m not sure I deserve him at this point. His patience and understanding is beyond comparison.

“I just don’t know what to do.” I admit. “You’re incredible, and Jackson is incredible, and you guys make me feel so welcome, like I belong. But what if none of this is sustainable? Are we holding onto some idealized version of each other because of our past? Or did we fall under a holiday magic spell that will burst as soon as I leave and return to reality?”

“Why can’t this be our reality? Right here. This is as real as anything, isn’t it?” he pleads.

“I can’t just uproot my whole life over a holiday fling.” The words spill out before I can stop them, and I see the hurt flash across his face. He pulls back slightly, brows furrowing.

“A holiday fling?” he repeats, his voice thick with hurt. “Is that what this is to you?”

Immediate regret fills me. I grab his hands, my heart twisting.

“Liam, I didn’t mean that. I’m freaking out and I don’t know what to do and those thoughts just spilled out of me. Of course you’re more to me than that. What are we supposed to do?”

He closes his eyes, shaking his head. Then he opens them and looks at me with those hazel eyes that make me feel weak. There’s a clarity in them now that almost scares me.

“I know this is a lot harder for you, and I’m sorry for that,” he says gently. “If it weren’t for Jackson and his entire support system nearby, I’d leave this place we love tomorrow and follow you anywhere. But I think you know that I can’t do that. So you’re the one who has to make all the big changes, and it’s not fair. All I have to do is sit here and ask you to stay, while you’d have to change your whole life if we want to make this work. I can be patient while you figure it out. But just know, I do want to figure it out. With you.

“You want me to stay?” I ask, tears welling in my eyes.

He nods, his voice quiet but steady. “This past month has been the best of my life. I’d go back and wait ten years for you all over again if I had to. So, yeah, I want you to stay. But if you feel like you need more time, then I’ll be patient. Go home, take that job if you want to, but don’t think I’m going to go a single day without talking to you. I’ll be here waiting for you. Again.”

35

Layla

When I was younger, I dreamed that I would come back and run into Liam again. He’d sweep me off my feet and we’d live happily ever after, like some perfect fairytale. Life rarely works out the way you dream it will, though. In the last ten years, there have been surprises and things didn’t always go perfectly or as planned. Still, finding him now, after everything, feels more perfect than I ever could have imagined.

I’m slowly starting to clean up at the cabin and gather my things for my looming departure. I’m conflicted, and the doubts are creeping in. Why am I at war with the practical side of myself that says this needs more time? I think the more realistic side of me needs to know that this isn’t all merely part of the allure of being here, that I’m not just wrapped up in the magic of this place, and this isn’t simply some whirlwind vacation romance. And the only way to know for sure is to leave.

I think.

I just don’t think Liam agrees with me, and I’m terrified of that. I’m terrified of losing him, and I’m terrified of breaking Jackson’s heart. He’s grown so attached, and he’s been through enough loss in his young life already. We’ll be open with Jackson, tell him that we’re still talking every day, but that I have to go home for a while. I wish there were some perfect solution, but I can’t stay here on vacation forever.

It’s in difficult times like these that I really miss Mom and Dad. I think back to all the stories Dad used to tell about how he and Mom met here. They were both on vacation one summer and fell in love within weeks. And while falling in love with each other, they also fell in love with this place. They passed that tradition on to me.

I miss them so much right now, and I wish they were here to tell me what to do in this moment. But they’re not here, and I have to make the decision for myself. I really hope it’s the right one.

I do know that without a doubt, they would have loved Liam. Both of them. I’m almost positive that Mom would tell me I’m being an absolute fool right now, even though she didn’t usually interject too much. I never talked too much about Liam with them after we left that year that I met him. I don’t know why. It's something I kept buried inside.

She did ask me about him once, a few months after Grandma’s stroke. It was a random day, and it was like the thought dawned on her out of nowhere. We were in my room catching up when she asked me what happened with the boy I had a date with back in Lake Tahoe over spring break. My stomach knotted up when she brought him up out of the blue. I simply shrugged and explained to her how I never got his number. She was bummed for me, even though I didn’t think I showed too much disappointment. Looking back now, I’m sure as my mother she could sense my emotions more than I knew. I remember her patting my knee and reassuring me that I’d probably run into him again the next time.

36

Layla

I’m leaving in an hour. Heading back home to Sacramento. But when I think of the word “home” now, Sacramento doesn’t seem to feel right. It feels foreign.

Liam is a saint, and I don’t deserve him. I can’t believe how I hurt him when he’s never done anything but treat me with such kindness. We talked some more yesterday before I went home to pack. I didn’t stay at his place, and he didn’t stay at mine. I felt like I needed to take the night to myself in hopes of finding some clarity.

When we had our big talk, he reiterated how he’s sorry that it’s a lot more stressful for me, because I’m the one who would have to uproot my whole life, possibly giving up a dream career, to be here. That’s a huge leap, especially after only four and a half weeks (and that one night when we were teenagers). Plus, I’d be taking on Jackson, too. He completely gets that that part is a lot. What he doesn’t seem to understand is that, for me, that’s actually the easiest part of it all. Being here and seeing the magic of the place through a child’s eyes has made me realize how much I want a family one day. That’s why I told Liam that taking Jackson and leaving here was not an option. I would never want him to do that. The memories I made with my parents here can never be replaced or forgotten, but I’d like to create some new ones, I think. We’re not in a rush to figure everything out today though—we decided that much.

Liam and Jackson are here saying goodbye. But it’s not really goodbye. We have plans to talk every day while we figure things out. This isn’t an ideal situation, but it’s the best we can come up with for now. To be honest, I’m still terrified of driving off and leaving them behind.

My heart breaks at the way Big J has been attached to me for the last hour, never letting me out of his sight. I’m packing up the last of my things in the bedroom, and he’s helping by handing me things. He seems quiet.

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