Page 95 of Dmitri

“I can’t!” she yells.

How did my life blow up like this?

Running a hand over my face, I’m still naked and obsessing over a woman who’s just admitted she’s here to “ruin” me, and my first line of defense was to let her drive a knife through my heart.

I would have let her kill me. Sounds crazy, but I would have.

I’ve played with death for a long time, and it’s time to end the game. I’m sick of feeling the way I do. I’m tired of being lonely. I loathe my body. I’m terrified of what I’ll do, even accidentally, to someone if I lose control. I’m done trying to find some semblance of joy where there is none. I want this to be over. I want to not feel anything anymore.

I want to tap out.

I need to surrender.

The realization that I’ve finally lost my will to fight has my knees buckling.

Chapter 26

Daelyn

When Dmitri collapses like a house of cards on my floor, my fate sets into motion.

“Teach me to fight.” I drop to my knees in front of him. “Teach me to defend myself so I can get out of my mess.”

His far-off gaze slowly focuses on me. “What?” he croaks.

“Teach me to fight,” I repeat, clutching his shoulders. “Please, Dmitri. I’m tired of being the punching bag.”

A sigh blows out of him, and he glances away.

He’s not going to do it. Shame and guilt land heavy on my chest, making it hard to breathe because I’ve single handedly knocked this man to rock bottom. This mission started so easily. All I was supposed to do was fuck him the night of the fight. Spread my legs and let him rail me.

But in true Kaleb fashion, his simple job grew until it got too big to control.

Because I donothave control over this. Not really. Not without jeopardizing my life and inevitably Addie’s, too.

I know how to shoot a gun. I know how to take a punch. I know how to detach and how to live in fear while pretending I’m brave. Kaleb taught me all of that. None of it has helped me.

“Please, Dmitri.” His taut muscles are hard under my sweaty hands. There’s a terrible favor on the tip of my tongue, one I have absolutely no right to ask for, so I keep it inside because I can’t ask him to save me.

I know he wants the name of my abuser, but I can’t give it to him. My brain’s hardwired to protect the guy who’s been in my life too long. Kaleb might be a monster, but he’s also been the only person who’s never abandoned me.Everything I’ve done isonly to help you,he’d say. He gaslights and stonewalls all the time, but I still don’t always see it when he does. My brain’s too muddled, too stuck in the fear of retaliation to examine his actions closer until it’s too late.

This is my only chance to change that.

“I need to learn to fight, or to at least hit where it counts.” I’ll never be strong enough to take Kaleb down, but if I can land a punch that will knock him down a few pegs, it’ll give me hope. I’d rather go down fighting than lay like a dog for him to kick.

I’ve tried online self-defense videos, but it’s not the same as having a real partner. And I can’t go to in-person classes because it’ll raise a flag for Kaleb. He won’t like it and will show me that by giving me his own lesson.

Trust me. Been there, done that.

“Please, Dmitri.”

Why won’t he look at me?

Because I just fucked him and thenfuckedhim. He owes me nothing, I remind myself.

“I’ll do it on one condition…” Dmitri reluctantly looks over at me with a coldness that makes me shiver. “I want to be there when you go after him.”

Go after him? I’m not going after Kaleb. I just need to hold my ground for once when he comes after me. Because that’s what will happen now. I will not let him hurt Dmitri any more than he already has. But finding a way around giving Kaleb more information about D is going to be hard. I just have to remember that I hold the power here. Kaleb has nothing on Dmitri if I keep my mouth shut.

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