Page 83 of Dmitri

Holy crap, I wonder how much Ace has shared with her. “I don’t want you involved in Ace or any of the other guys Kaleb runs with. Understand me?”

She clamps her mouth shut. Then she storms up the steps and slams her bedroom door closed.

Great. I don’t know why I thought raising a teenager would be easy. And the hoops I jump through to keep her are eventually going to break my legs. But she’s worth it. Even when she hatesme, I love her with my whole heart.

Trudging up the steps, all my aches and pains roar to life and I’m so ashamed of myself for a million and one reasons. I know she can hear me knocking on her door, even with her music blasting. She has every right to be mad. Kaleb is dangerous, and I’ve had to keep him around. I haven’t shared what I do for him because the less Addie knows, the safer she’ll be.

Or so I thought.

But if Ace is confiding in her, that puts a big rip in my flimsy safety net.

Addie’s right. Ace is as stuck as I am. It sucks. It’s not fair. But I’ll be damned if I let Addie fall into this hole with us, too.

Wanna hear one of my worst secrets? I sometimes wish Addie lived with Tasha’s family permanently. They’re well off and care about her enough to let her stay over all the time. She’d be safe and happy and loved there.

But I can’t imagine asking them to do that.

In my desperate moments, I stare at the number to Addie’s current case worker and almost call her and tell her to come get Addie and re-home her because I’m failing miserably at giving this beautiful soul the life she deserves. Except I know what would happen if I did that. Addie would fight it. She’d hate me. I’m not sure I could survive it.

Plus, I can’t risk the chance that they’d re-home her somewhere else, and that place might be a million times worse than her home here with me. She’d run. Get caught. Be sent to a group home until they found placement for her elsewhere. I can’t stomach the thought of putting her in that position. I love her too much. I’d give my fucking life for her.

And I don’t want to live without her.

Does keeping her make me no different than Kaleb? Because he keeps me for the same reason. For love. But is it loveor something more toxic like… fuck, I don’t even know. I’m so confused and hate myself for everything I’m doing.

“Addie?” I knock again.

She swings the door open, her eyes bright with tears. She looks so young like this, her upset expression reminding me of when she was little. Her freckles have popped out across her nose and cheeks from all the sun she’s been getting, and her full face is rosy and flushed.

We stare at each other while her music screams from her little speaker. Then we wrap our arms around each other and squeeze hard.

“I’m so sorry,” I cry against her shoulder. “I’m trying. Please know I’m trying my best to do right by you.”

“You don’t have to do right byme,” she sobs. “Do right byyou, Dae. You’re worth more than this.” We hold on tight for a long time until she says, “You’re getting snot in my hair.”

I back away, snorting, and wipe the tears off her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Walking into her room, I plop down on the edge of her bed and sigh. Time for a conversation change. “So, what is it you wanted to tell me before we got distracted?”

“Forget it. It’s not even important.”

“Everything about you is important to me. Spill it.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Sounded like one downstairs.”

“Yeah, well, that was before I saw your face. What the hell happened to your eyes?”

“I busted a few blood vessels puking.”

“Eww. Why did you puke?” Her eyes blow wide. “Jesus, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

I smack her arm playfully. “No, I just had an upset stomach and yacked my breakfast in the restaurant bathroom.”

“My worst nightmare comes to life.”

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