Page 19 of Dmitri

I don’t understand why we can’t afford a decent amount of food every week when my dad makes good money as a mechanic and also fights for cash on the side. If we can afford her alcohol, why can’t we afford extra apples or even a bigger box of cereal?

“Go to your room,” Mom barks.

“I was actually going to spend the night at a friend’s house.”

Dad’s eyes widen with joy. “Hear that, Anya? He has friends!” The smile on his face embarrasses me. “Go on.” He points at the door. “Get out of here, kid!”

I’m out of my chair before my mom can object.

“Be home by ten tomorrow morning,” my dad hollers. “I’ll take you to the gym with me.”

“Okay!” Finally free, I fly out of the house so fast it’s like I grew wings.

Except I have no clue where Ryker lives or if I’ll ever see him and the others again…

“What’s going on, Dmitri?” Ryker asks from against the doorjamb. Christ, I didn’t even hear him come in. How long have I been standing in the Monarch Club Member’s bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror?

“Nothing.”

He saunters closer, concern darkening his stormy grey eyes. “The cage fight didn’t quiet your monster. It awakened it.”

He’s right. Pretending otherwise is insulting to us both.

“I need this.” The confession shreds my black heart. I’m hard-wired for pain and rage. And we both know what gets me off because I’m a masochist.

“Is…” Ryker clears his throat. “Sophie helping you with that?”

“No.” And I won’t ask her to. She’s too precious for me. Toogood.

“She would if you wanted her to.”

“I know, which is why I’m not going there.”

“Do you wantmeto help you?”

Sweet offer, but hard pass. I’m too far gone for even Ryker’s form of abuse. I need…

Fuck, I don’t know what I need. I just know I haven’t found it yet.

Ryker comes closer. “What were you just thinking about that had you oblivious to the fact that I was in here with you, D?”

It’s not like me to let anything slip under my radar. We both know that. So for him to have startled me in the bathroom isn’t a good sign.

“I was thinking about the day we met.”

Ryker relaxes a little. “That was a fun summer.”

I never found out where Ryker lived that night, so I slept on a bench at the playground and was back home before breakfast the next day. I went to the gym with my dad, then he headed to work for a double shift, and my mom beat the shit out of me before locking me in the closet until a half hour before my dad got home that night.

Desperate for friends, I returned to the playground every day for the next week and a half, until Ryker, Knox, and Vault showed up again. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

I know where I’d be by now if I hadn’t met them all those years ago. I’d have followed my dad’s footsteps, which has me scared now because I’m pretty sure I’ve followed them anyway. “Going back in the cage was a onetime thing.”

“Don’t lie, D.” Ryker’s tone grounds me. “It doesn’t help anyone. Especially you.”

He’s right, I think to myself while splashing cold water on my face. The agony I live with barely registers. I’m too used to it. “I can’t feel anything anymore, Ry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, D.”

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