Page 120 of Dmitri

“That’s… tragic.”

“Her whole life has been tragic,” I say in a bitter tone. “And I’m just making it worse with the amount of shit I’ve gotten myself into.”

“Then why not give her up? Cut her loose?”

My hands ball into fists. “I guess you don’t know the meaning of a promise. I said I wouldn’t abandon her.”

“Letting her go doesn’t mean you’re abandoning her.”

“It does to Addie. And I’d rather die than see her go off with someone else who doesn’t love her like I do.”

The words leave a sour taste in my mouth. Holy shit, how many times did Kaleb say the exact same thing to me whenever I said I wanted out of our relationship?

I’m so fucked up.

And suddenly I’m all too eager to tell Dmitri all the wonderful things about Addie. Because maybe if he can understand how much I love her, he’ll forgive me for what I’m doing to him, so I can save us all from Kaleb.

“She’s so bright,” I say. “Honestly, she probably could skip a grade or two with how smart she is.”

He keeps quiet.

“Addie’s like this bubbly hurricane of joy. And she feels everything with her whole body, you know what I mean? Like she’s crazy happy or roaring mad. There’s no neutral in her and it all shows on her face. And her freckles… she has the prettiest smattering of freckles across her nose.”

Dmitri swallows again.

“Her whole life has been Hell and she’s just blazing through it like a little shooting star.”

“Like you.”

“No.” I tuck my hair behind my ears. “She’s a million times better than I am. She’s good and pure and wonderful. I’m trash.”

Dmitri pushes away from the wall and ends up squatting by my feet. “You’re not trash, Daelyn.”

“I’m a bad person. She’s the opposite of me. She’s so good, she’s—”

“Worth going through Hell for?”

“She’s worthdyingfor.” Which is a very real possibility for me. “I just need to get her to graduation. She’s brilliant. She’ll have scholarships coming in left and right and will be able to go anywhere, do anything.”

Escape. Be free. Live a better life than me.

“You really love her, don’t you?”

Has he not been listening to what I’m saying? “If love exists, then it’s Addie.”

I don’t know love with Kaleb, even if he’s the only other person in my life I’ve come close to dying for.

“Tell me his name,” D begs on his knees. “Just give me his fucking name and I’ll end this nightmare for you. I can keep both you and Addie safe.”

My walls rebuild. I gave away too much, spoke about Addie in a way that let him see she’s my only vulnerability, and now he’s trying to use it against me to get what he wants. “No.”

His jaw clenches. Eyes harden. The look on his face is sheer disappointment, and I hate it because he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t fucking get it.

“I’m trying to protect you!” I yell. “And I’m trying to save my ass while keeping Addie away from all of this.”

“You don’t need to protect me, Daelyn.”

The hell I don’t. Fuck, I’m so exhausted and my stomach won’t stop cramping, which is now just frustrating and annoying. Doubling over, I squeeze my eyes shut and let all mythoughts, all my everything, fly out of me. “I’ve spent my whole life doing mental gymnastics, Dmitri. Always trying to make my superiors happy. Always walking the line so I don’t get in trouble or kicked out or put someplace worse.” I blow out a long exhale. “I’m tired of trying to keep everyone happy or neutral, because at the end of every day, I’m fucking spent. The world just takes, takes, takes until I have nothing left to give and then it asks for more. And I’m desperate enough… starved enough… to keep letting it take from me just so I can receive an ounce of kindness back, no matter how false it is.”

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