Page 1 of New Home for the Holidays

CHAPTER 1

WALKER

As I drive through Wintervale with my head on a swivel while on shift, something starts to settle in my chest. Before I made this move, I wasn’t sure if it would be the right one for me. Moving from the small town of Jasper Ridge, Wyoming, to another small town in Montana wasn’t what I was looking for when I first started my search for a police force to move to.

I thought I was going to find a place in a big city, somewhere with a little more excitement, but I still applied to a few small towns. I didn’t see how I could advance on the force in Jasper Ridge, but didn’t assume I couldn’t have that opportunity down the road in another small town.

After a few interviews nothing felt right to me, much to my frustration. Something different happened when I visited Wintervale and went through the interview process. It was like I could breathe again. No one was more surprised than I was.

After my dad died from a heart attack almost two years ago, it felt like I was only playacting in my life. Jasper Ridge became a big reminder of losing the only parent I had any memory of, since my mom died after giving birth to me. Her death could have made my dad bitter; it could have made him hate to even look at me. Thankfully, neither happened and he was the best man I’ve ever known.

Needing more excitement, and, maybe, the possibility to move the needle on my career were the reasons I gave people when the news of my job hunt became public knowledge. Really, I just needed a fresh start away from the only home I’d ever known. It felt less and less like home the longer Dad was gone.

I couldn’t hide the truth from everyone. Jade, my best friend since childhood, who has been like a sister to me for as long as I can remember, saw right through my bullshit. She encouraged me to go and find somewhere else to call home.

Of course, she had to put it all girly and shit.

Once she heard the rumors about me interviewing places, she tracked me down. The stern look on her face accompanied her accusatory words, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No,” I tried to dismiss her very correct assertion, “I haven’t. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Her eyes narrowed at me, and I started to crumble. Yes, a police officer who has been trained to run toward danger instead of away from it, started to fold in the face of my best friend’s anger. I’m still not sure what she saw written on my face, though I had gotten adept at hiding my feelings from everyone, including her, but her face softened, and her glare dissipated.

“If you’ve been avoiding me to prevent me from bringing up the rumors circulating around town, you don’t need to,” she coaxed me gently.

Not ready to give up the ghost completely, I scoffed, “What rumors?”

Jade rolled her eyes, and her hands fisted as she slammed them down against her hips. The fire which blazed in her eyes was because I was being willfully obtuse. I knew it. She knew it.

“Like you don’t know about the rumors,” she lobbed right back at me.

I’m not sure how long we stared at each other, but I definitely broke first even though I won’t be admitting that out loud any time soon. “Fine,” I hissed and leveled her with a glare of my own as I relented. “Yes, I’ve put in applications at forces across the country. I’ve done some preliminary interviews and will travel to do second ones in a few places.”

Jade swallowed hard and her eyes welled up with unshed tears. I cursed under my breath and pulled her against my chest to comfort her. As we hugged each other, I couldn’t help but berate her, “This is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything.”

“You think I’m about to cry because you’ll be leaving?” She pulled away from me, the fire back in her eyes. I welcomed it; anything’s better than her on the verge of tears. I can’t handle women crying, especially someone who has been my sister from another mister for so damn long. “Don’t be a moron, Walker,” she sneered at me.

I blinked at her a few times, having an issue downshifting as fast as she was requiring of me in the conversation. We stared at each other for a few moments before we both started laughing. Itcut the tension, and I felt some of the stress of my decision and my worries about moving melting away.

Knowing you’re doing the right thing for you is one thing, but actually doing it while knowing you’ll be leaving behind everything you’ve known for your whole life, is another. It wasn’t like I wanted to escape everything about Jasper Ridge. I just needed to get away from the memories. I needed to find something that was just mine, something to fill the empty cracks losing Dad left behind in my soul.

I wasn’t even sure if I could find it, but I figured not trying would be worse. It wasn’t like I had a lot going for me beyond being a police officer. I hadn’t dated in over a year and even then, it didn’t end well because she couldn’t handle the hours and my commitment to my job. Hell, I didn’t even put as much effort into dating her as I should have because I felt broken. Broken and more than a little battered by grief.

Once we stopped laughing, Jade gave me a small, tremulous smile. “I’m going to miss you, Walker, you know that,” her words were emphatic, and I felt them to the depths of my soul. I was going to miss her too and she knew it just as well. “But I’m also so fucking proud of you.”

My eyebrows hit my hairline, and my mouth was hanging open which caused her to giggle softly. When I got my shit together, all I could do was gasp, “What?”

“You’ve been walking through life, just going through the motions, since your dad died,” her voice was gentle, almost like she was talking to a wounded wild animal. The mention of Dad and his death made me feel like one.

I wondered, not for the first time, if I shouldn’t have been over it already. I knew it was ridiculous because there is no rightway when it comes to grief, but that didn’t make the feeling of inadequacy over not dealing with it well go away. It felt a lot like shame.

Jade must have read my thoughts, a byproduct of us being close, because she snapped, “Don’t do that.”

I grumbled, “Do what?”

She punched my shoulder like we were still kids, and I was making fun of her for something silly, like the small gap between her two front teeth until all her adult teeth came in and it closed right up. I grabbed my shoulder and gave her a quelling look, but she knew she could get away with that shit. She’d done it for so damn long and it wasn’t going to change any time soon.

“Don’t try and tell yourself you should be over it. If you’re not, then you’re not. It’s just that simple.” Her eyes softened and she shook her head. “As much as I’m going to miss my best friend, I’m glad you’re leaving. You need something new,somewhere,” she emphasized the word in a way which made my stomach clench because she knew exactly why I needed to leave, “new.”

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