Page 20 of On Thin Ice

Dom: That’s very fair. But I’m not going to walk away. I know you probably don’t believe me rightnow, especially after how I acted, but I do want to be involved. I just don’t know how.

My stupid heart was doing weird things in my chest. It was probably just heartburn.

DOM

I raked my hand through my hair for the millionth time. It was standing on end at this point. Then I grabbed my glass of water and sucked it down.

And stared at my phone.

Every time it took her longer than normal to respond, my body twisted up. Was I making a mistake by trying to be involved?

No. This was my kid. I started pacing in front of the island.

Maybe?I had no clue how to be a parent. How to co-parent when we weren’t together, or even in the same state.

Fuck.

Then my phone chimed again, and I set the empty glass on my kitchen island. I’d been too restless to sit down.

Once again, I was a goddamn wreck. No one should end up with me as a father. The best way to not become my father was to not be a father.

Ally: Honestly, I don’t know how you can help either. Hockey season is a lot. And you not living here doesn’t help. It’s not like you’re going to take a birth class with me or anything.

Dom: What the fuck is that?

Ally: They show you what could happen during delivery, how to make it easier on yourself. I signed up for one so I know what to expect.

What the hell?Birth class had definitely not been on my bingo card for this year—or ever. I was slightly squeamish just thinking about it.

Dom: Sorry. Uh. Did you want me there?

Ally: At the class or the actual birth?

My stomach dropped or clenched or something. Did she really want me there when she gave birth? Fuck. This was all happening so fast.

Dom: Um. Both, I guess.

Ally: Look. This is a lot at once. You don’t have to do either.

I pressed the palm of my hand into the edge of the kitchen island. It pissed me off that she continued to give me an out. I guess I should have been grateful or some shit, but it just made me angrier, like she thought me even trying to be involved was pointless.

But I didn’t want to be a parent.Right?

“Fucking hell,” I shouted in my empty condo. I was frustrated with this entire fucked-up situation. She was fucking pregnant and walking on eggshells around me. Well, not around me, but via text. It grated, and I hated that we were in this position.

But it wasn’t a situation; this was my child. Fuck. I wanted to lash out at myself for even thinking that way, but I took a deep breath and tapped my fingers on the surface in front of me. I didn’t even know how to respond at this point.

Ally: We don’t have to figure it out now. We still have time. I know it’s a lot all at once.

Dom: You keep saying that and I get it, okay? I get it.

Dots popped up.

Then disappeared.

Then popped up again.

Shit.

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