Page 136 of Defensive Zone

How in the hell had she managed to get into this situation to begin with?

She stewed silently for the rest of the game. The tension was already thick in the room because of the tightness of the game. And when the Strikers lost eight minutes into overtime, her sour mood blended in with everyone else’s.

Later that night, she was still upset. She didn’t want to bail on Ava, but she didn’t want to lose Max. Rumors and pictures online shouldn’t affect her, but they did. Add to it the text from her mother earlier today asking her when she was coming up to Montreal to visit and if she was still with Max because a client of hers had made some comment a few days ago. She’d followed it up, asking if Gabi had looked into a master’s program in Chicago that Gabi had mentioned off the cuff just to get her mother to stop pestering her about her future.

If she had to hear that nannying was not forever and not a stable job one more time, she was going to scream.

“Hey, you’re still up?” Max asked when he walked into the living room.

She jolted in surprise. “Max.”

He flopped down on the couch next to her and tugged her in for a kiss. Then he sighed against her forehead, and she hated herself for her doubts.

“I’m sorry about tonight,” she said.

“It fucking sucked. My shoulder hurts like hell, but we’ll get them in Boston.”

“Of course you will,” she said, fidgeting with her fingers.

He took her hand in his. “What’s going on?”

“I had a run-in with Michelle,” she said, kicking herself for starting this conversation, but she felt she had no choice.

“Who?” he asked.

“One of the bunnies. Does it ever get easier?”

“What did she say to you?” he asked, sitting up straight.

“She wanted to know how to become a nanny so she could bag a rich athlete like I did,” she said, hating the words as they came out.

“Gabi, you have to ignore them. They are all drama and it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Maybe I should find a new job. Separate myself from working for you and dating you.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. We need you. Ava needs you. Why do you care what anyone else thinks?”

“I don’t want this to fall apart at my feet. This has been risky since day one,” she said. “And I talked to my mom earlier,” she started.

“Why do we keep going back to this? Who gives a fuck what a bunch of bunnies say? What social media says? We are in love, Gabi. We work so well together and I don’t know how to make you see that. You’re so wrapped up in what strangers think of our relationship, in what your mother thinks. This is about us. Just us.”

“I know, Max. I want it to be just about us, but it’s not. Ava is my best friend. Your family was the family I needed growing up, the family I still need. If we don’t work out, if something happens and I lose that, I won’t know what to do with myself. We took such a risk—well, I took such a risk—exploring my feelings for you and I’m scared.”

“If anything is going to kill this relationship, it’s going to be your insecurity. I can’t force you to understand that this is going to work. And right now, my job is on the line. I have to be focused on this final series.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Max,” she said, hating that she was doing this, especially now, after a tough loss.

“You need to figure out what you want because I know what I want and I’m not going to spend our entire relationship hoping that your insecurity doesn’t destroy us.”

“Max,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

He stood up from the couch. “I’m leaving for Boston in the morning, and I need to get some sleep. I can’t do this right now.”

She nodded. “I get it. I really do. I’m sorry,” she said.

“Me too. Me fucking too,” he said, and then he walked out of the room.

She waited until she couldn’t hear footsteps and then she curled up on the couch and let the tears flow.

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