Page 107 of Contention

Well, shit.

Kara’s lips form a stern line. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Not as bad as it looks?Not as bad as it looks?How long have you been doing this? You’ve been acting odd for weeks!” Bianca tosses it back in the bin, where it clatters loudly. More bottles. “I wanted to come over and hash it out, but now I think we just need a ‘come to Jesus’ moment here, what with all your lying and avoiding. Here I just thought you were mad at me for something stupid.”

Being called a liar sparks something in Kara and she stands up sharply. “Since when have you ever cared? You’re the one who loves going out all the time; I’m just along for the ride. I’m just your wing woman so you can find your next fix. You’re selfish and live in your own damn world. You’ve never cared aboutmy fucking problems.”

Pointing a finger at her, Bianca flushes with emotion. “You are an absolutebitchwhen you drink like this. Remember when you were twenty-three? When you were picking fights in bars?I remember. I rememberyouat the bottom ofthatspiral.” Her hands settle to her sides and she looks lost. “You stand here, acting all self-righteous when I’m the one who helped you! I’m the one who stopped drinking when you went cold turkey for weeks to cool your head. I’m the one who supported you when you thought you were ready to start drinking again. I may be a selfish bitch, but don’t tell me I never cared.”

A flash of black and red drifts over her vision and Kara finds herself picking up the closest thing she can find on the table beside her. She wants to break Bianca’s face, wants to make her shut up, she doesn’t want to hear this anymore…

“You throw that stupid lotion at me and I’m going to brain you,” Bianca threatens, though a bit of fear is now in her eyes.

Kara sees it and wilts guiltily.

“You don’t even know how to fight,” Kara replies, the red clearing from her vision slowly, realizing what she had been about to do. She sighs, throwing the lotion down the hall as an outlet for her anger with a snarl. Then, she sinks to the floor again, exhausted at herself.

She digs her nails into her scalp, eager for the pain.

She’s becoming a monster again. All the self-loathing that’s been building inside of her for weeks boils in her stomach, painful, acidic.

Hesitantly, Bianca comes over to her and crouches beside her, hand gently moving through Kara’s hair, snagging on a curl awkwardly. “Talk. What’s happened?”

“My father has been calling. He wants me back.” Saying the words aloud make them that much worse in Kara’s head.

“Shit. Maybe you do need a drink,” Bianca mutters.

“And…” Kara hesitates, not sure how much she wants to share, because she’s embarrassed of herself for being so foolish. “There’s this guy. That I’ve been…I don’t…we’re not even together…”

“A guy?Whatguy? He messed you up this bad? He’s bad news if that’s the case, Kara. No one makes you like this;no one.” Bianca sounds disbelieving, knowing Kara’s track record of having short affairs and leaving. Or being left for being so awful to handle.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

Bianca plays with Kara’s hair, clearly missing her own long hair to play with now that it’s charmingly bobbed. “If he makes you feel this terrible, he’s no better than your father. Forget him.”

“Easy for you to say. I work with him.” She wants to forget his mouth. She wants to forget the way he makes her feel.

“Oh, my God. You hit it with your married boss? You skank!”

Flabbergasted, Kara nearly laughs through the numbness that has overtaken her. “No. Someone else.”

Placing both hands on the side of Kara’s face, Bianca forces her to look her in the eye. “Hey. Have you been drinking tonight. Open.”

Kara blows on her face and Bianca wrinkles her nose in distaste even though she smells no alcohol. “You gross woman. Seems you have some control left. How about this, considering you’re sad and hurting. Be my date tonight. No men. NO MEN. No alcohol. Just water or some sad little soda. Lots of dancing. I’ll stay over and cuddle you all night. I’ll spoon you if that’s what you dig, girl. Capisce?”

Sighing dramatically, Kara feels depression dragging her down. She’s not in the mood. She wants to stay in and just wallow in misery. Bianca gently slaps her cheek a bit, saying, “No, no. No sad face. When you wallow, you drink. We can’t let you wallow. Forget your problems. You love dancing.”

Not entirely convinced, Kara says skeptically, “So, you’ll take me home tonight. Cuddle me like a nice, sweet boyfriend should?”

“Oh, yeah bitch. You got it.”

Kara feels a grin tugging at the corner of her lips. She can’t help it; Bianca is good at this. She’d forgotten that, only seeing the worst aspects of her these past few years. It’s been ages since she’s had a spiral this bad, but Bianca is right; she was there for the last one.

“You’re so crazy,” Kara replies softly.

“I have to be, to deal with your ass all these years. I may not be the best friend out there, but I’m the one who knows how to deal with you,” Bianca replies. “I’m not perfect. I’ve let you down before. I know that.”

There’s a pause and Kara rests her head on Bianca’s shoulder. “You intend to go out wearing a large t-shirt and leggings? You’re daring.”

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