Page 43 of Chasing Mr. Prefect

“Potato?” I asked, letting him go.

“The cat. Her feeder’s probably run out.”

“Oh,” I said, laughing. “Right. That traffic was ridiculous. You should get some sleep now.”

“Thanks. See you next week?”

“Next week,” I said, smiling again as Cholo went back to his car.

I waved goodbye as I opened the gate and waited until he vanished around the corner before I entered the house.

CHAPTER 18

Before I knew it, it was already the last day of class before the Christmas break.

I woke up feeling heavy, the way I always did on this particular day of every year and let myself lay in bed as much as I wanted. I did not get out of bed until I heard both parents’ cars leave the driveway. It took some time before I had enough energy to move.

I grabbed my phone on my bedside table out of sheer muscle memory. I checked the notifications and made my first mistake of the day.

NOTIFICATION

Jacinta Lazanas-Perez tagged you in a comment.

I tapped it and saw that one of my mother’s siblings had made a giant post with my mother’s black and white photo on it. Photos of my aunt, my grandmother, and the rest of the siblings visiting my mom’s mausoleum early this morning were also attached toit, complete with a long caption that made me want to flush my eyes with holy water.

There were also close to a hundred likes on the post as of now, with comments from people I did not even know. Tita Jacinta was commenting back, saying stuff like “It feels like yesterday.” The comment she tagged me on had a tone of ‘reminding’ me what today was, like I would even forget.

The audacity. Leave it to my mom’s family to make today about themselves.

I shook my head then, rolled my eyes, and turned my phone off out of annoyance. I threw it back on the bedside table and made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Gian once said that my personal batteries ran on pure spite and the way I got all energized now proved that right.

Tangina kasi nitong si Jacinta, ang aga-aga.

I proceeded with my morning routine, taking my time trying to calm myself down. This business of getting people to forgive me and turning over a new leaf will not work if I let people like Tita Jacinta rile me up like that.

Like the past few years, I did not have anything planned today except to go to the memorial park and attend the early evening mass afterwards. As my relatives were early risers and liked to go there in the mornings, I would make sure to go late afternoon so I would not run into anyone. My dad would visit on his own before going to work and by the time I would get there, I would recognize a bouquet of red chrysanthemums that he would always give her.

While eating my cereal, I appreciated the quiet. As my phone was nowhere, I could not hear continuous dings from school notifications, club emails, or Chatbox texts.

I decided not to turn my phone on for the rest of the day as quiet was exactly what I needed right now.

Today marked my mother’s death anniversary. I used to act out—more than usual—on this exact day of the year when I was younger.

One time, I ran away, had a hunger strike and fainted in school on another, and then got drunk on that year I turned eighteen. That last instance was a bit funny because I ended up sleeping on the sidewalk in front of the house and it wasn’t until morning that Liana found me.

Last year, I did not really do anything, as at long last, the appeal of self-destructing once a year faded eventually.

I assessed myself now, thinking about recent events. Yes, I had found better coping mechanisms, started talking to people like a proper adult, and managed my anger issues.

But I still really missed my mother and found my own thoughts going to dark places at times, though this time around I knew when to catch it and stop before it got too far. I had hope that things were going to look up from here on. Dad also offered to look into therapy for me and our family, and I said I was happy to go if he found a suitable option.

Things were not only going well on the family front; it was improving a lot on the friend side, too. I hung out a lot more with my Ephemere teammates and I had people to ask for help when I was struggling in my subjects. Between that and the rest of my Ephemere duties, there was really no room for me to complain nor act out and I was extremely grateful for that.

I told my mom all that when I arrived at her mausoleum that afternoon. I stared at her picture as I did, like she was just there listening to me. I’d memorized every single detail of this picture now. I also made a mental note to ask Dad to buy paint as the letters spelling out‘Laura Lazanas-Exconde’were already fading.

“Hey, Mom, I think I might be starting to look a little too much like you. Tita Cris jumped a foot backward when she sawme in the kitchen yesterday morning,” I told her, playing with my fingers. I needed to tell her the heavy stuff, too. “It was almost like she was scared. Or maybe because it was this time of the year again and she was afraid I’d pull some woe-is-me prank today.”

I looked at the floor, ashamed. Remembering how my dad cried when I fainted in school around eight years ago. I wanted to turn back time and put everything right.

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