Page 70 of Love Her

“I didn’t think you worked here.” My tone is harsher than I’d like, but I’m confused.

“My mom had to run a few errands.”

“I was going to get Dakota a gift. She won an award and Grant is throwing a party for her today.”

Her smile widens at the statement and as much as I hate it, the wall I’ve erected around my heart shifts, cracking slightly.

“How fun for her. I’d be happy to help you find something.”

Moving around me, she makes her way toward a display of scarves. With my feet planted, I follow her with my eyes. Palms itching to push the hair that’s fallen into her face away, I stuff my hands into my pockets.

“I’ve only spoken with her briefly but, do you think she would like something like this?” she asks, holding up a floral piece of fabric. I must give a look that says an absolute no because she cringes a little before placing the scarf back on the rack with a giggle.

Minutes tick by as I follow her around the store. She chatters away nervously as she holds up item after item and I shake my head at each one. Words haven’t left my mouth, only the occasional grunt. It may be rude, but I’m afraid of what I’ll say if I speak.

Any of these gifts would be fine but the moment I say something will work, I’ll be done here. My time with Lis will be over. As much as she’s hurt me, and as angry as I am, being in her presence like this, with nobody else around, I don’t want it to end.

“I know!” she shouts, snapping her fingers and pulling me from my thoughts.

Lis waves for me to follow her and I do as instructed. When she steps around the counter to a display case, I peer down to where she’s looking.

“This bracelet is perfect. It comes with a card that explains the design. We have a few different options, but this would be ideal for the occasion.”

“Inspiration,” I read aloud. Silently, I skim the definition and she’s right. Dakota has overcome so much in the last few years and she does inspire us all, especially her children. “I’ll take it.”

“Great. Give me a few minutes and I’ll put a little gift bag together for you.”

While she rushes off to the back, I peruse the rest of the store and try to assess my feelings. In the weeks since I walked out the door of this building, I’ve been in a funk. A downward spiral of frustration and anger. It’s much like grieving. Except, I can’t seem to get to step five of the process—acceptance. Something has held me back. Maybe it was the desperation in her voice that day or the way she’s let me go, never pushing me to listen to her excuses.

“Here you go.”

As I pull my credit card from my wallet, she taps buttons on the screen of the register before swiping the card. Once the transaction is complete, I take the gift bag. An awkward silence falls between us.

“Thank you for your help.”

Shyly, she nods her head. I ignore the way her eyes glisten as I turn to walk away. The door chimes again as I reach for the handle. Like it did when I entered, her voice stops me in my tracks.

“Connor?”

Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale slowly. Not turning to face her because I’m afraid to see if what was settling in her eyes has fallen.

“I’m sorry for what you heard. It isn’t what you think.”

I should leave. But I don’t. Instead, I keep my back to her, afraid to look at her. I can hear the desperation in her voice. For what exactly, I’m not sure.

“I miss you.”

The breaking of her voice breaks something in me. I’m not sure if I want to hear any more so I simply say, “Bye, Lis,” and step out onto the sidewalk.

Arizona insisted I sit with her for cake and conversation. While I love this little girl and her sassiness most days, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about catching up on all the second grade gossip. Grant and Dakota are going to have their hands full when she reaches high school. If she’s this dramatic now, I hate to see what she’ll be like in ten years.

“I told him he needed to be nicer to girls because one day he was going to need a doctor and I won’t help him. Even if he needs stitches.” Her statement is said with such conviction, I believe her.

“Ari, if you become a doctor, you know you have to help anyone who needs care, right?”

“Not Kyle. If he won’t let girls play baseball with him, I’m not going to help him if he’s bleeding.”

Yep. Sassy.

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