Page 12 of Love Her

Chapter 6

Felicity

“What did I ever do without you, Lis?” Brian asks while adding files to the stack I’m already balancing in my arms.

“Apparently not filing or processing insurance claims.”

He laughs, and I sigh in relief that he didn’t take that comment as snark. It was meant to be funny and laced with a bit of sass. Sometimes there’s a fine line between sassiness and being a jerk and it isn’t received well. Or, perhaps, that’s only in Lexington where I’m Felicity Remington-Thorne and not the newly hired receptionist promoted to billing administrator and office manager by day five, Lis Thorne.

Growing up, I was Felicity to everyone in my life except my parents. They were the only ones to ever call me Lis. In elementary school, the teachers called us by our given names unless a student asked to be called something different. I never asked.

Eventually, the Stephens became Steves and the Melissas were sometimes Missy. I was only ever Felicity. I never minded it. Nobody had my name and I was okay with that. An only child, I was used to being told I was special and treated like a princess. By the time I was twelve years old and looking at boys as something other than annoying, it started to change. An unreciprocated crush on an older boy who ran with the popular kids devastated me. That boy, Bentley Sullivan, never saw me. I wasn’t a blip on his radar. Nevertheless, I was crushed. Then I began to look at things differently. The girls I was friends with weren’t cool enough. They didn’t want to impress the older boys. They weren’t interested in shopping and makeup. Instead of accepting those differences, I lashed out. By the time we started high school, I wasn’t just a mean girl, I had been updated to “bitch.”

Now, I prefer the moniker of “mom.” Each name is a part of who I am. The many faces of Felicity. But here, working for Brian, I can be the me not many people have ever known. A person I’m proud of. Being forced into situations beyond my control was humbling. Losing everything except clothing and mementos was humiliating but I’m stronger for it. As much as we’ve struggled, I love the people my children and I have become.

With this job, I’m able to build relationships organically. There’s no judgment or assumption of the person I am. The persona I’ve taken on over my thirty-one years.

“I know I should feel bad for the amount of work you’re faced with, but truthfully, I’m too grateful you’re here to even feel an ounce of sympathy.”

Feigning offense, I gasp, my hand flying to my chest dramatically before I turn my back to him with a huge smile on my face. He barks out a laugh and I realize this is the first real friendship I’ve had with anyone since I was a kid. Even in high school, I had a group of people I called friends, but they weren’t. They were a bunch of assholes like I was, only interested in popularity.

The five days since I walked into my scheduled interview have been some of the most fulfilling of my life. For the first time in years, I’ve felt like I was part of something and contributing to the world instead of watching it pass me by. Of course, I walked into utter chaos and a boss who looked like he was ready to break at any moment.

Thankfully, Brian and I hit it off immediately. He was relieved I had just obtained my certificate in not only medical billing and coding but also office procedures and management. I was grateful he didn’t feel the need to micromanage me. We both win and have fallen into a comfortable routine. I’m ridiculously excited to be working and putting my new skills to use. I’ve accomplished at least a month’s work in just a few days.

His wife, Gigi, stopped by on my first day with an assortment of flowers and a huge hug of gratitude. She chatted me up like we were long-lost friends and before I knew what was happening, she invited me to a wine party and some sort of romance night that I’m almost positive will not be rated PG. It was a strange feeling, to have someone want to include me in something. Not since elementary school, have I had close friends. My adult friendships have been more like glorified acquaintances. While I take ownership for the friendships I could have had growing up, as an adult it is simply the harsh reality of the lifestyle I lived alongside my then husband. And, of course, the consequences of moving back to Lexington where I’m still that bitch from high school.

Speaking of Brian’s wife, the door opens with a flourish and the aroma of pizza greets us. With her dark hair piled high on her head in a messy bun and her shirt pulled tight across her swollen abdomen, she’s the epitome of glowing mom-to-be.

“Special delivery!” she announces while placing the box on the counter in front of me. Gigi’s warm smile exudes pure joy and it’s hard to not return it.

“Hey, honey. What do you have there?” Brian asks as he steps around her, his arm wrapping around her waist as he places a kiss to her temple. Peering up at him, she props up on her toes, lips puckered for a kiss.

Deep inside me, a green-eyed monster peeks up from where I’ve kept it hidden. It isn’t an angry jealousy or even true jealousy. It’s more envy. Wonder. A wonder of what it’s like to feel completely euphoric at the sight of your partner. Knowing there is another person in the world who is as happy to see you as you are them. I never had that with my ex-husband or anyone before him.

Other than my parents and children, I’m not even sure I’ve felt truly loved. How pathetic is that? Very.

“Well, I woke up this morning after dreaming of pizza. I really wanted a chicken jalapeno with creamy garlic sauce but then I remembered what happened last time,” she says, pausing to look my way. “His son did not approve of jalapenos and threw a tantrum that I’m almost certain included kicking my kidneys. No more spicy peppers until this guy is born.” Her hand rests on her belly as she looks off longingly. Truthfully, I don’t know if it’s the thought of her child or the pizza that has her looking so wistful.

Lifting the lid, Brian lets out a groan of pleasure as he picks a piece of pepperoni off a slice and pops it in his mouth. “Thanks babe. This beats the protein shake I was going to mix up. Come on, Lis, set the phones to voicemail and let’s dig into this pie.”

I hesitate only for a second before he shouts over his shoulder, “Don’t even think of saying no.”

Well, okay then.

Doing as instructed, I join Brian and Gigi in the small breakroom for lunch. Passing out slices, Gigi hums to herself and pokes fun at her husband before settling into her seat. It’s quiet in the room as we all dig into the lunch. The kids love pizza, but I try not to indulge too often. Carbs have never been my friend and while they are delicious and bring complete joy to my life, Shakira said it best when she said, “hips don’t lie.”

“Lis, Brian said you have two little ones? What are their names?”

Scoffing a bit, I smile and say, “I’m not sure they’re little anymore. Clem is ten and Jacob just turned eight. They both act as if you could add at least five years to their ages.”

“I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when our baby is that age. Seems so far away but I’m sure it’s gone by quickly to you.”

My best friend, guilt, stands up and makes itself present at her statement. It is true that time flies with kids. You can blink and years have flown by. I wish I could tell her that it was a difficult adjustment. Sadly, I missed a lot of time with my children. Sure, I was with them as often as I could be, making a point to rise with them every morning. But, it was the days and nights that I missed so much.

Milestones as toddlers were captured on video and sent to my phone while nightmares and monsters were battled by our nanny, Mrs. Honeycutt. As much as I resent my ex-husband for demanding I be by his side instead of at home with our children, I was as much to blame for being sucked into that world. Consumed by the glitz and glamour money afforded us only to sacrifice the two most important people in our life.

“Time does fly, that’s for sure. I wish I could speed up time for Clem, get her through these pre-teen and teen years. She’s struggling with some bullying and her self-confidence has hit a real low. Meanwhile, Jacob loves everything about life. He’s such a happy boy, content with his science experiments and watching baseball with my dad on television.”

---