Page 60 of Love Her

Chapter 27

Connor

“I’m using Connor. God he’s a beast in bed and the way he takes me out and pays for everything. It’s exactly what I’ve been missing out on. He’s even good with my kids, which is great because once they like the kids you have the hook.”

If I hadn’t heard her speak the words, I never would have believed it. Not my Lis. Not how close we’ve become. Neither of us have declared our feelings but they’re there. Billowing like a flag.

She follows me out to the sidewalk, but I’m ignoring her pleas. The crack in her voice almost makes me stop. My instinct is to go to her. To offer comfort if she’s hurting. Pushing away all the words I just heard her speak. The pastry and coffee in my hands are weighing me down so I toss them in a nearby trashcan.

Tunnel vision is a funny thing. I can hear in the distance birds chirping, a car alarm being activated, and even a small child squealing in glee. I see none of it. Instead, my focus is getting to my truck. Driving out of this town. Away from her.

Climbing behind the wheel, I crank the engine and pull away from the curb. I’m not a complete asshole so I do keep my speed within reason as I turn toward the highway. Where am I going to go? I have no idea. I have nowhere to go.

Everything I have, every person in my life, is here in Lexington. Except my mom and sister. They’re thousands of miles away in a city that has nothing but bad memories. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the emotions boiling inside me. Some deployments pull them to the surface, but I was focused on the mission. I knew what was at stake if I lost focus.

Prior to that, it was how I felt after my father died. The way I felt when we lost everything, and my mom struggled to feed us. The anger is like a second skin to me. It fights to break loose. Thoughts of the last time I let it out flash through my memories. A man confronting me and my friends before being carted away in an ambulance.

That night changed my life. My best friend was cuffed and placed in a cop car, facing assault and battery charges. I vowed to leave behind Cleveland and the downward spiral I was on.

It’s that same fight or flight feeling in me now. I want to drive away. Leave all this behind. She was using me. The feelings I have mean nothing because she doesn’t care. Maybe what everyone has said is true, and she isn’t a good person.

Looking at the speedometer I immediately release my foot from the accelerator. “Fuck.” Slamming my hands onto the steering wheel, I pull to the shoulder and kill the engine.

Fight. I need to fight. Not for a relationship that was never real but for the life I’m creating for myself. I like Lexington. I finally feel like I belong somewhere. My job is fun and as Taylor slowly offers more responsibility I find pride in the changes I’m implementing.

Me: Are you home?

Grant: Yes. What’s up?

Me: Do you still have that boxing bag set up?

Grant: It’s all yours.

Once I know my anger is tucked away, at least for now, I turn my truck toward town and Grant’s house. When I pull into the driveway, he’s standing in the garage, hands on his hips, and the boxing bag hanging behind him from the rafter.

The thumping of bass from the music he’s playing isn’t loud, but I can feel it pulling me to an outlet I haven’t needed in a long time.

“Twig.” Grant uses my nickname from the military and the similarities to how I feel now and who I was then are uncanny. The anger is the same but I’m no longer the scrawny little kid that couldn’t shift the bag a centimeter. Now, I will beat this bag until I have nothing left to give.

“Cap.”

“Gloves are there,” he says, motioning to a bench with a few pairs of gloves before assuming his position behind the bag.

Stripping off my shirt, I toss it on the bench and slip on the boxing gloves.

Left.

Right.

Left.

My punches are full body. Every ounce of the hurt, confusion, and frustration I feel pouring out of me with each strike. Time stands still and sweat runs down my back. The moments I’ve shared with Lis play like a movie in my head.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

The competitor she pretends doesn’t exist.

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