Page 44 of Bourbon & Bonfires

“Mom, you’re totally pouting. It’s okay. When we get there, we’ll do all the work, and you can read or nap. It’s a vacation!”

Landon and I laugh at his excitement, and when Landon takes my hand and links our fingers, resting it on the center console between us, I relax into the seat. Reading and a nap sounds great. As much as I love Mason’s excitement, twenty-four hours away from town is not a vacation. But, I’ll let him have his version of vacation for now.

While the guys chatter on and on about all things camping and fishing, I rest my head on the seat and take in the scenery. The last time we drove out here, it was dark and I wasn’t able to appreciate the beauty. Rolling hills as far as the eye can see, large trees in the distance, and bright blue skies set the perfect backdrop for the country songs playing, and I’m lost in the moment, and I realize I’m happy. Content. Impromptu camping trips, laughter bellowing from my son, and a beautiful scene passing by as we drive is what I’ve always wanted in my life. I thought I had that with Dan but realize now, I never did, and I never would have had it with him.

Can I have it with Landon? There are moments when we’re together I think it’s possible. I see him with Mason, Iwatchhim with Mason. Landon treats Mason the way I want my son treated—with kindness and love. He parents without realizing he’s doing it, and it’s ... well, it’s kind of hot. I can easily see Landon being a father, raising small children to amazing and kind young adults, the same way he’s teaching Mason.

Then my overactive mind takes over, and I second guess everything. I’m not young. I don’t even know if I can have more children at my age. Do I want them? Will Landon realize how much an impact our age difference will have when deciding a future? Will he look at me one day and see the fine lines, the extra fifteen pounds I can’t get rid of? Will he wake up one day and give our relationship an expiration date?

“Is this it?” Mason shouts from the backseat, his head sticking out the window like a dog.

“It’s the road to the property.” Looking out, I see more natural beauty. Landon tells us about the history of the property as we continue to drive.

“For years we came out here and camped. Eventually, Jameson built a small cabin; it’s more like a glorified shed with plumbing, but we let him call it a cabin. It worked great for only him, but now he and Ash are together and growing their little family, and he’s going to expand it to an actual cabin. I’ll probably be out here a lot this spring helping him and Owen get it done in time for summer camping trips. You guys will love it when it’s done, we can still camp but will have two bathrooms to use and a full kitchen for cooking.”

My head flies to face him the minute he mentions “you guys” in reference to more time here over the summer. “What do you mean?” I ask.

“Huh?” His confusion evident as he glances at me before putting his eyes on the road again.

“Never mind,” I mumble, tilting my head to the backseat where Mason is busy snapping pictures on his phone. Landon nods in understanding, but the look on his face says he has no idea what I’m talking about. Landon and Mason talk more about the property and what they plan to do this weekend before pulling up in front of a small cabin.

The second Landon puts the truck in park, Mason jumps out and starts running for the lake in the distance. He doesn’t make it more than twenty feet before Landon whistles, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“We set up, and then we play. Come on, help me get the food into the cabin before we pitch the tents closer to the fire.”

I grab a box of food, following Landon inside the small cabin. The space is limited but Jameson and Ashton have done a great job of making it work. The plans for the new cabin are tacked on a wall next to the tiny kitchen. I can see from the rough sketches how amazing the end result will be.

When Landon and Mason each set a box down on the small kitchen table, I place the items I’m holding next to them. “Why don’t you guys do the outside stuff, and I’ll put this away.”

“Sounds great, Mom. Come on, I want to see the lake!” Mason takes Landon by the shirt and begins tugging him toward the door. As he’s being led away, he looks at me and mouths “We okay?” I nod in reassurance, and he smiles before turning to walk out.

I make quick time of putting the groceries away and decide to make a few sandwiches and place them in the refrigerator until the guys are done. I’m sure they’ll be starving with how much work they listed off on the drive here. After using the restroom, I exit the cabin and walk toward where the tents are set up. I note there’s one on either side of the fire pit we sat at the last time we were here.

I guess I hadn’t thought much about sleeping arrangements. Landon hasn’t slept over before the other night when I was upset. I’ve never had an overnight guest, and I’m not sure if I should say something to Mason about it or not.

“Mom, did you see my tent? It’s so cool. I mean, your guys’ tent has two rooms so it’s even nicer but mine has a window on the top so I can see outside!” Mason is half shouting, half gasping for air as he drags me toward his tent. I guess he handled my conversation for me.

“Hey, bud,” I begin, “Are you okay with me sleeping in a tent with Landon?”

“Uh, yeah. He’s your boyfriend; where else would you sleep?”

“My boyfriend?”

“Oh gosh, are you going to call him yourlover? Mom, please no!” Mason exaggerates a shiver, and I gasp.

“Mason Taylor Sinclair! Do not ever say the wordloveragain!”

We both start laughing, and I guess he’s okay with whatever is happening with Landon and me. He grabs my hand and tugs me onto his makeshift bed so I can see the tent’s skylight. We lie together for a few minutes while he talks, and I am overwhelmed with emotion. My son ishappy.He’s being a kid, and I want to snuggle him to me and tell him how much I love him.

I don’t. Instead, I leave him to his tent house or whatever he called it and go in search of ... I guess, my boyfriend. That’s weird to think. It’s been close to twenty years since I’ve had a boyfriend. I don’t know what to do with that title.

Spotting Landon by the lake, I shout to Mason that there are sandwiches in the cabin. I’ve never seen that child move faster than when I mention food. As I approach the dock near Landon, I clear my throat to signal my appearance.

“Hey, babe. Did you get everything set up?”

He’s messing with a fishing pole, and I stand for a minute, watching him. His shorts fit like his jeans, loose in the thighs and hug his ass. The T-shirt he’s wearing is snug but not tight. Each time he moves his hands, his bicep flexes and a little flutter appears in my stomach. I didn’t know I was an arm girl.

When I don’t immediately reply, he turns back to face me, and that’s when I notice he’s turned his ballcap backwards and those flutters fall a little south of my stomach. I take three large steps toward Landon and grab the front of his shirt, pulling his mouth to mine.

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