Page 80 of Whiskey & Honey

I was hoping there would be an opportunity for me to casually bring Ben up to Ashton tonight. I’m closer to deciding what to do with that ball in my court and this is the last part of that equation.

“That’s funny. You’re right though. He is a good guy. Did I ever tell you I had a crush on him?”

“Eww, on my brother?”

“Yep. Probably off and on from the time I starting liking boys.”

“That’s weird and a little gross.” She visibly shivers and I laugh. “I guess I can see it though. You guys are totally alike. Plus, even I can admit he’s not completely gross-looking. I mean, for my brother and all. Did you ever, you know, hook up or anything? This is a weird conversation.”

“For the record no, your brother is far from gross-looking. You can relax, I never made a move on your brother.” Truth. Well, semi-truth. I did beg him to have sex with me a few times. “Besides, it’s not like I was ever on his radar anyway. You know it took me until I was in college to really have any confidence.”

“I’ve never understood that but yeah, I remember. Well, this is an interesting development. Maybe you guys should get together. Then he’d stop being a complete jerk all the time.”

Ashton’s comment comes at the exact moment I take a drink. “What?” I spit out, along with half of my tea.

“I said maybe you guys should get together. But the more I think of it that would be weird. I mean what if you realize he’s really disgusting and dump him. That would be really hard for him at holidays. Being alone when you were over instead of him.”

She winks at me and I laugh. Maybe telling Ash would be a good thing.

“Just tell me if you decide you want to live out some teenage fantasy and make out with my brother. I’d need to prepare myself. Like maybe go into therapy or something. I really hate surprises and may have to kick your ass if you spring it on me without warning. A year’s warning, minimum.”

Or not.

Ashton and I ended up staying up too late and she spent the night. Sharing a bed with Ashton Sullivan is not nearly the experience it is with Bentley Sullivan. My bed is large but Ashton has the ability to take up three quarters of it and kick a person enough to leave bruises.

After she left this morning I promised to come over early to help with dinner while the guys watched football. I’m going to use the next few hours to decide once and for all what I’m going to do about Bentley. I feel a shift in every aspect of my life today and I need to put my big girl panties on and take control of my life. There is really no room for self-doubt at this point. I need to put it all on the line and see what happens. No risk, no reward.

I decide to take a run to work off some of this tension. Instead of running in my neighborhood as usual I drive to the trails across town. I need to be in a more serene environment and this is it.

I warm up a little before I start off down the main trail. A winding three-mile path with a few hills to challenge me is exactly what I need. My running playlist is booming in my ears and my pace is quick as I make the last curve before the trail loops back around. Something to the left catches my attention and I blink a few times as the figure comes into focus. Ben.

Slowing my pace as I approach, I watch as a smile takes over his handsome face. It’s been less than a week and I miss that smile. The feeling hits me hard and my already labored breath quickens under his guise.

“Hey,” I say between breaths.

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“Okay, you?”

He doesn’t look okay. He looks tired. Exhausted may be more accurate. Sad and maybe a little defeated.

“So, this is awkward,” he comments, taking the words right out of my mouth.

“I know. I’m sorry, Ben.”

“Want to walk back and talk? I have to get home to help my dad with some stuff before everyone comes over.”

I nod in response and fall in step beside him. The trail is wide enough to allow us to walk side by side and not touch. I want nothing more than to reach out and grab his hand. To apologize for pushing him away. For jumping to conclusions about him and Laurel. I want to beg him to love me back. I don’t.

“Piper, can you tell me what I did wrong? What changed?”

“Nothing changed. I just … I don’t know. I’m so confused and my head is a mess. I am my own worst enemy and know that. I am who I am though, Ben. I just need some time to figure things out. Sort through it all and consider all possibilities.”

Stopping, Ben sits on a nearby boulder and runs his hands through his hair. His beautiful dark-brown hair that is a little longer than it used to be. It’s perfect. His scruff is neatly trimmed and I expect that was for his mom and today’s dinner. I take this moment while he’s silent to really look at him. I know under that shirt lays a set of abs to give Thor himself a run for his money. Just the thought of those abs has my breath quickening and wondering when the temperature rose.

“Are you done ogling me?”

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