Page 68 of The County Fair Queen

"I did. I swear."

"And when I came home, I was horrible to you. You didn't deserve it."

"Can I tell you a secret?"

I placed my hand over his, holding it close to my heart. "You can tell me anything."

"You're not that good of an actor. Do you really think I couldn't tell? You think I didn't notice all the times you were checking out my butt?"

I blushed, looking everywhere but at him. "In my defense, it's a spectacular ass."

He chuckled, kissing the back of my neck. "More than that, though, baby. The way you stare into my eyes. How you reached across me that first car ride back to Lurlene's—"

"You held me hostage," I said dreamily.

"You didn't have to reach across and unlock the door, Firecracker. All you had to do was tug on the handle. It would've opened."

"I wouldn't have gotten to press up against you if I hadn't," I said, surprising myself with the admission. It was like some ridiculous truth bomb had gone off inside of my head. "Sweet Jesus, I wanted to press up against you, didn't I?"

He laughed, his warm breath tickling my cheek. "I wanted to press up against you, too." His hand dipped lower until it was resting on my stomach, his nails digging gently into my shirt. "You wrote a love letter to me on your wall, Phillip." He traced the letters in the baseboard with his finger. "I wish you'd told me back then."

"I don't. It would have saved us twenty years, but you never would have had Beau. You never would have met your wife." I sighed, trying to think of any achievements of my own that might match either of those, but I came up empty-handed.

"You wouldn't have found Jordy," he said, kissing my neck, his tongue making the briefest of cameos. "You wouldn't have adopted that evil cat of yours." His grip was crushing, as if he'd forgotten that I was only human, fully capable of feeling pain. "You never would have come home to me, Firecracker." The softest of sniffles escaped him, and his grip grew even tighter. "Thank you. Thank you for coming home to me, baby."

"It was my pleasure, Riv."

His lips were like velvet against my skin, and I wanted to feel him everywhere. My neck. My lips. Lower.

Much lower.

"And for the record," he said. "RR hearted PF just as much." His hand fell a few inches lower, his pinkie grazing the base of my dick, just the once. "Are you ready?"

Unable to do much else, I nodded, and then we were in motion, standing and turning toward each other. Quietly, he removed his shirt with ease, his fingers moving in a practiced rhythm, as if he'd been preparing for this dance all his life. When I kicked off my shoes, the left one slammed against the wall with a thud. As if it would somehow unmake the noise, I shushed the discarded shoe.

Rivers peeked up, arching his eyebrow.

"Shut up," I hissed. "Just shut up."

He chuckled, shaking his head. And then his shirt was off, leaving me with the sight of a field of golden skin and thick black hair. It grew from him like weeds; inconsistently sparse patches with no real care or consideration for their placement. His chest was defined in ways mine would never be, with two dark brown centerpieces that seemed to be calling out to me.

Touch me, Firecracker,they cried.Touch—taste—take.

I approached slowly, like a shadow against the floor. He was unzipping his pants when I reached him, and I brushed his hands away, dropping to my knees and taking on the task for myself. Our eyes met, and for a moment I thought he might avert his gaze. We hadn't looked at each other all night. Not really. Not like before. I didn't want him to turn away from this. I wanted him to see me. To reallyseeme. He needed to know how thankful I was that he'd allowed us to have this. I needed to see the same, reflected at me.

And there it was, glittering in the corners of his eyes, barely even visible. In the way his skin slid lightly against mine. In his secret smile, meant just for me.

"Firecracker," he said, and it was like someone had thrown a torch into a barrel of fuel, the flame burst bright and beautiful, lighting up the whole goddamn room. This would be what I clung to when the nights got so lonely that it felt like I was the only person left in the world. The memory of his smile. The recollection of this single moment where I was his, and he was mine.

He stumbled out of his pants, and then all that was left to separate him from me were his underwear; skin-tight boxer-briefs, black as the deepest depths of the darkest river. I needed him—all of him—just like he needed me.

Before I could pull them down, he leaned over, scooping me up by the arms, swiveling me around, and pulling me against him. He held onto me like he might disappear at any moment, and I was his only tether to this place. His touchstone to a moment that was already trickling away. His fingers danced down my chest as he unbuttoned my shirt, each movement feeling like sparks flickering against my skin. He pulled off my shirt and tossed it against the floor, bringing his teeth to my neck and nibbling softly. If I'd been worried about how he might react to the sight of my naked form, I'd been a fool. The way his hands wrapped around my waist was more than enough proof that he enjoyed the view.

His fingers fell even lower until they were resting against the waist of my slacks. He fumbled with the hook, but I was pretty sure it was more of a means to grope me than user error. As he lowered my zipper, he rolled his hips, the evidence of his arousal pressing against my ass. I shucked my pants, not caring if the sound of my buckle hitting the hardwood floors could be heard by the rest of the house. His thumbs spilled over the elastic of my briefs, his nails scraping lightly at parts of me that had gone unseen for years.

"Jesus, Phillip," he said. "How am I ever supposed to let you go?"

Then his hands were on my hips, pulling me even closer to him. I didn't flinch when his lips connected with my neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he moved toward my jaw. He didn't say a word when his fingers took hold of my nipple, giving it a delicate tweak. Best of all, he barely even flinched when I took his hand and guided him to the promised land.

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