Page 60 of The County Fair Queen

He stared ahead of him, toward the wall. "Yeah, well, you found me." I reached further, my chest aching as I pressed against the bars. But he made no effort to ease my discomfort. He just sat there staring at the floor like he wanted to take a sledgehammer to it.

"Rivers?"

He huffed.

"Would you—Could you just—" I was reaching as far as I could, but my arms weren't long enough. I just needed to touch him. Needed to let him know everything was okay, because I was there with him. "Can you stop sulking for a second and come here?"

"Dammit," he muttered. "Just sit down, Phillip. Better yet, lie down and take a nap."

"I don't want a nap, I want you. And stop calling me Phillip. I'm not Phillip to you. I'm just Firecracker. Your Firecracker."

"You're stoned out of your mind right now. That's what you are."

"Am I?" I mused, running my tongue against my teeth. "I don't really feel high. Are you high, too?"

"I'm the mayor. We can't all get baked in the middle of the day. Especially after kidnapping a kid." His jaw worked back and forth, and I was pretty sure if he ground his teeth any harder, they'd just be tiny little nubs by the time he finally looked at me. That was okay, though. He didn't have to have perfect teeth. Even if he looked like someone who'd been strung out on crystal meth for the better part of a decade, I'd like him all the same. He was Rivers, and Rivers was perfect just the way he was. "Dammit, Phillip." His voice was low and broken, like someone had come along and taken everything from him, and all he could do was sit in the empty space where joy once lived. "We were—I was…" He paused, letting the words sit on his tongue. He must not have liked the flavor, because he swallowed them down and fixed a frown on his face. "I know you're trying to get this show off the ground, but you didn't have to drag Beau into a dangerous situation. He could have gotten hurt. Do you have any idea how much trouble you've gotten us into?"

"Did we save Fudge's family?" I asked, closing my eyes and smiling. "Did we save them?"

"How should I know? I've been stuck in this damn cell for an hour and a half."

"Well," I said, inching closer. "I'm here now. So, come here, okay? Come over here. I need you, Riv."

He shook his head. "This was a mistake, Phillip.Youwere a mistake. I never should have agreed to any of this. I don't even know where my son is right now."

"He's with Jordan, silly. When I was getting my nose checked out, Jordy took him over to Minnie's to grab some lunch. I came to find you, but you weren't there."

"He's okay?" he said, finally peeking up from the uninteresting section of flooring he'd been staring at since I realized he was there. Something flashed in his eyes that I couldn't quite make out. Fear? Maybe anger?

"I just said he was. I saw him with my own two eyes. Now, would you come here so I can touch you?"

"Your face." His voice was shaking. "When I get out of here, I'll kill him."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, Mr. Caveman. Murder away. But for now, just come here. I need you." I smiled at him, hoping it might put him at ease. "Please? I need you all the time. I know you're scared about Beau, but he's okay. I'm sorry for making you mad, but he was sad and crying, and I couldn't let him be sad. It hurt my heart to see him like that."

"Why do you care?" he asked. Strangely enough, the words didn't sound unkind. It was like he was asking me—reallyasking me.

"Because I love him. He's my little buddy, and I'm kind of his God. So just come over here, okay?" I practically begged, waving my hand through the metal bars. "Come over here, cause it's where you're supposed to be. Your jaw keeps trembling like you're about to cry, and I can't make it better if you're all the way over there."

"Firecracker," he whispered, all wet and sloppy and beautifully broken.

"I'm right here. Let me hold you until you're better again."

He didn't look at me, but he shuffled closer, right against the bars. I reached for him, pressing my palm to his cheek. He leaned into my touch like it was the only touch he ever needed. LikeIwas all he ever needed. I think I needed him just as much. I needed him deep down in my bones, where the shadows of self-doubt congregated, whispering out words like'unlovable'and'lost cause.'

"Hey, Riv?"

"Yeah?"

"The other day, when we were filming at your house—when you pretended to kiss me. Do you remember?" I asked, almost pleading.

"Of course, I remember," he said, though not unkindly.

"I wanted you to," was all I could manage. And then we sat there, his hand in mine. The tip of his finger dancing lightly in my palm. I needed this. To remember how, for one moment, I'd felt what the rest of them had.

Loved.

It was like a secret the whole world hoarded, clutched close to their hearts. Gatekeepers of joy who knew it was never mine to take. In that room, sitting next to a man who, in two short weeks, had burrowed himself into my heart, I'd never felt so alone. "Why didn't you kiss me? Didn't you want to?"

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