Page 5 of The County Fair Queen

When Jordan reached to open the door to Minnie's, he startled as Rivers' truck roared to life behind us. The sound that left the muffler was both overpowering and disorienting, causing Mr. Papadopoulos to turn on my shoulder and hiss. I glanced behind me, just in time to see Rivers roll down his window and flash me that trademark Rivers Rivera smile. Brawn, bravado, and traces of insincerity settled in the corners of his mouth.

"I'll be seeing you around, Firecracker," he half-said, half-shouted over the cacophony of roars coming from his truck's exhaust.

"And I'll dread every single second of it." Whirling back in the door's direction, I brought my mouth into a straight line, whispering to Jordan, "Does he look devastated?"

"Why would he look devastated?"

"Just shut up and look."

He rolled his eyes before turning around with no subtlety whatsoever.

"Oh my God, don't look!"

He turned his head in my direction and blinked at me. "You literally just asked me to."

"Inconspicuously," I hissed, flabbergasted by this newfound insubordination kick he'd picked up somewhere between London and Texas. I'd need a new assistant. The situation was less than ideal, considering it had taken over a year to find Jordan in the first place. Not many prospective employees would settle for a role of unpaid intern these days, even if I did offer free room and board. I could tolerate many things, but I drew the line at blatant sabotage.

As if he could read my mind, he leaned in, hissing into my ear. "If you even think about firing me for this, I will set your house on fire with you inside of it."

"Fuck yeah!" Brenda/Carole shouted, sending a plume of strawberry-scented vapor pouring out of her mouth. "That's the type of drama I was talking about. Slap his ass around a little."

"You're not going to use any of that footage, are you?" I asked.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall," she scolded, bringing the tip of her vape to her mouth and sucking in sharply. "Now, when you get in there, I want sass. I want star power. Give me something to hook the viewers, Phil. It's like that old saying: you only get one chance at a second first impression."

"I don't think that's a saying," Jordan said.

"And remember," Brenda/Carole continued, ignoring Jordan completely, "you're a star, Phil. These people are lucky to have you. You think our viewers give a shit about Lake and his stupid sign? About this Minnie fellow or his diner full of inbreds? They want the front man of Friendzone. Thevoice of an angel—"

"I'm pretty sure Charlotte Church has that title trademarked. We probably shouldn't use it frivolously. And Minnie is more than likely a woman," Jordan said.

Brenda/Carole scoffed, flinging her vape-holding hand into the air. "Why is everyone hellbent on ruining my vision? For Christ's sake, I passed on a twenty-four-episode sitcom for this. It's like everyone on the payroll is actively trying to ruin it before we've even begun. I didn't give up the chance to work with Ms. Jackson just to see it all shot to hell because of an argumentative little queen."

"That's homophobic," Jordan said.

"Oh, go to hell. I'm a lesbian. Don't give me that'homophobic'bullshit," she said.

"Ms. Jackson?" I said. "You passed on Janet to work with me?" Jesus. I couldn't even begin to unpack that fact-filled suitcase. Did she really have that much faith in the project? That much faith in me, of all people? I couldn't remember a single moment where I'd felt soseenas an artist.

Brenda/Carole mumbled something under her breath, far too low for me to decipher.

"What was that?" Jordan said.

"La Toya. It was a project with La Toya Jackson. Now get the hell in that diner and give us a show. I know I said that when we were done here, you'd have the rest of the day to yourselves, but I'll keep you here all night if that's what it takes." Brenda/Carole shoved her vape into her pocket before stepping out of the camera's shot. It was time for us to enter, apparently.

"And, action," I whispered, reaching for the door handle.

The door squeaked as I opened it, and a tiny bell chimed, announcing our arrival. There was a cameraman standing next to a display case filled to the brim with Minnie's famous muscadine fritters and blackberry pies. As we waited to be greeted, fellow Tallulahns darted their eyes in our direction, trying to catch sight of the city's most famous export without being too obvious.

Something seemed off about the situation inside. I knew Tallulah had never been a hotbed for the latest fashion trends, but as I took in the sight of her residents, it almost felt like Minnie's Diner had been overrun with vagabonds and hillbillies. I recognized a few familiar faces, which made the entire situation all the queerer.

Dr. Salazar, the local pediatrician, was dressed in overalls with no shirt underneath. One of the straps was unbuttoned and hanging off his shoulder, his nipple peeking out proudly. He must not have noticed Minnie's sign stating'no shoes, no shirt, no flippin' way you're eating here, darlin.'

In the booth behind him, Lao Min, the town's most prominent florist, had a sunflower in her hair. That was lovely and all, but she was also scantily clad in a pair of Daisy Dukes, and she was wearing a red flannel shirt tied in a knot above her waist. Hadanyone else been wearing it, I could have handled the outfit, but Mrs. Min was in her late eighties.

"It's like we just walked onto the set ofDeliverance," Jordan whispered.

"That movie is ancient," I hissed, darting my eyes at the camera. "No one's going to get the reference. And how the hell do you know whatDeliveranceis, but you couldn't pick Faye Dunnaway out of a lineup?"

---