Page 30 of The County Fair Queen

"Pretend!" I said, my voice much more frantic than I'd intended. "She wants us topretendto fall in love."

"You—I mean, you want us to…"

"Quit," I hissed. "Stop staring at me like that."

Aunt Lurlene choked back a sob. "My little Turnip. A mayor's wife."

"Wife?" Rivers shouted into my ear, his voice filled with terror.

"I just explained that we're only pretending. Stop being purposefully obtuse," I said.

"He'll be Tallulah's First Lady," Aunt Lurlene continued, beaming at Preston and Jordan. Pulling out her flip phone, she clicked a few buttons and brought it to her ear. "I always knew he was destined for greatness."

"What the hell are you doing?" I said.

She peeked up from her phone, her shoulders squared, jaw tensed. "Language," she said. "Don't worry, baby, I just need a minute to book the venue. I hear weddings these days require months and months of planning."

"M-marriage?" Rivers stuttered, staring at the wall and looking absolutely shell-shocked. "We're getting married?"

"Ijusttold you this was for the show. And would it kill you to try to look a little less disgusted at the prospect?"

Aunt Lurlene snapped her phone shut and scowled. "Straight to voicemail. The nerve."

"It's after midnight," Jordan said. "Most people are asleep at this hour, Grandmama. We can try again in the morning."

"Whatever happened to customer service?" Aunt Lurlene mused with a sigh.

"Marriage?" Rivers repeated. I tried to hold back a groan, but it was pointless. I didn't know how I'd suddenly become the only voice of reason in the room. I needed to rein in this shitshow before they all spiraled out of control.

"Number one, I wouldn't marry you if you were the president, much less a small-town mayor. This is for the show, nothing else. Number two," I said, scowling at Aunt Lurlene. "If you so much asthinkabout booking a venue, caterers, or a band, I'll make sure your edit in this show is merciless. And last, but certainly not least," I continued, pointing at Preston. "I fully support the idea of recasting you in both this series, and my actual life."

"There's no need to be an asshole," Jordan said.

"You're fired," I snapped. "As soon as we get home, you're out. You've been nothing but a thorn in my side since we got here."

Jordan snorted. "Yeah, you just go ahead and try."

"Married?" Rivers asked yet again.

"For the last time, I'm not—"

"Who are you gonna marry, Daddy?" a new voice asked. To my left, there was a young boy. He was maybe seven, eight, or sixteen-years-old. He was wearing a pair of bright neon-pink pajamas with cartoon kittens dancing across the fabric. The boy didn't wait for a response, choosing instead to snuggle into Rivers' lap. He laid his head against his chest, rubbing his eyes. When he spotted me, he smiled widely, his eyes half-lidded with sleep. "You're Phillip Firecracker."

Before I could respond, the kid yawned and closed his eyes, falling asleep within seconds. As he slept, Rivers combed his fingers through the boy's hair, smiling down at him.

"This is Beau," he said. "You'll have to excuse him. He had a really long day. I've never seen him pass out so fast. He'll be upset about it in the morning. I think he's pretty much your biggest fan. He's one of yourPhillip's Firecrackerson Facebook and everything."

"He is?" For the life of me, I couldn't remember ever seeing a kid in the group. It's not like I would have forgotten, either. There were less than thirty members, and I stayed in contact with all of them. "That can't be true. I know everyone in the group."

He chuckled, leaning down and planting a kiss on his son's head. "Well, in case you haven't noticed, he's only nine-years-old. He's got an alias."

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal," Jordan interjected.

"Maybe," he said. "But I monitor it heavily. He's only allowed in the group. No friend requests, no wall posts, none of that. Hesure loves you, though. Has a poster of you in his room," he said. "Cost me a pretty penny, that picture."

"Hogwash," Aunt Lurlene said, taking a sip of her tea. "I gave it to you free of charge."

"Yeah," Rivers agreed with a chuckle. "If by free of charge, you mean as a bribe to legalize gay marriage in the city of Tallulah."

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