Page 121 of About Love and Revenge

"Is that why he had him killed, then?"

“I'm not sure, but I think it might have been the last straw for that monster. He knew that we loved each other.”

“He's a lot worse than I thought. I thought his cruelty was only against us inside the family. Then came the discovery of Orien's death, and then?—”

“Then?”

“Never mind. I can’t say. Anyway, I can't believe hewished you were dead, Theo.”

“I can.”

Days later

Zoe called me more than once today asking how I was doing. She had to go back to North Carolina, but she promised to visit soon.

I can't plan anything right now, though.

I've been pretty busy lately. Yesterday, I went to my first appointment with the medical team and also with the special needs teacher. I had to talk to each one separately, but what left me exhausted was the conversation with the psychologist.

He asked me a lot of questions, and I couldn't relax for a second. It's weird having to reveal what I feel and think when I've spent a lifetime feigning indifference.

I would be lying if I said I'm comfortable with therapy, but I know I need help and shutting myself off won't get me anywhere.

I hear the apartment's alarm go off, and my heart races since I know that soon Odin will appear.

“Are we celebrating?” he jokes as he looks at the set table, but I can see the tension in his face. He's been like that the last few days.

Even when he approaches and gives me a deep kiss, I know something is wrong. Odin is more attentive than ever, almost obsessed with providing everything that I need, but at the same time, every now and then, I catch him staring at me.

After that night when I opened up, I thought our secrets would finally begin to unravel, but I realize he still withholds a lot from me and my gut says it all has to do with my father.

I was going to reply to his proposal today, but now I’m doubting myself.

Has he changed his mind about the two of us?

I'm a lot more confident, but there's still a lot of fear of beingrejected, so I decide to test his reactions before I end up making a fool of myself.

“I wanted to cook today.”

He was already heading for the bedroom, his jacket off, but he stops and walks back to where I am. “What's wrong?”

I can’t speak. I suddenly feel like hiding from the world like I've always done.

Loving is scary. I feel completely unprotected.

“Elina?”

I shake my head from side to side, very tempted not to respond, but I don't want to continue being a fake person. "Everything you said to me on the day of the party, has it changed somehow?"

It seems to take him a few seconds to understand what I'm talking about, but then he picks me up and walks into the bedroom.

“I need to turn off the oven.”

“I’ll do it,” he says, right after tucking me into our bed. “I'll be back.”

I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling.

To risk saying whatever I want comes at a high price.

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