Page 57 of About Love and Revenge

I can't allow myself to break, because I have no one to pick me up if I fall, so I don't let a single tear escape.

As comfortable as it is, I can't trust that Odin will always be here for me. I'm not his obligation, although he has helped me so far. This time apart has cleared my head a bit.

After he left, I spent the morning daydreaming. Remembering the sensations, his touch, his mouth on mine, but mostly his gaze. I need to be very careful with his eyes. I am easily lost in them.

I put my faking skills into practice for my own self these last few days and pretended I didn't miss him. It worked most of the time, but after what happened earlier, all I want is to be in his arms. Pretending he's not my family's enemy, even though in my heart I know he's notmyenemy.

Allowing his command to calm me down, because he always seems to know what decisions to make.

Could I imitate him? Could I pretend to the world that I'm an Odin wearing a dress? People respect him—I think they even fear him—so it wouldn't be a bad thing for me.

I look around the room I'm in. His apartment is beautiful but totally impersonal. It doesn't look like anyone lives here. There's not even a picture frame.

Where are his parents?

Odin was almost an adult when he went to live with Aristeu.

I walk all over the place trying to distract myself, but a few tremors still run through my body every now and then.

The man who brought me here said I should take a shower because it will help me relax, but I don't want to relax. I don't know what room I'm supposed to stay in or even if I'm staying here tonight.

I look at Central Park through the floor-to-ceiling windows. I've always wanted to visit it because it’s been in so many of the romance movies I've seen.

I shake my head at the thought that my own life now feels like a movie. I went from a quiet existence on an island to living in a big city, even having a good-paying job.

Now, like in the movies, I also have an enemy.

I know it was Naim who tried to take me. The men who broke into my house didn't look like they were Americans.

In fact, I don't understand why he bothered to send people after me. The only reason that I can think of is that he doesn't like to lose.

I look at the dark, moonless sky through the window. The apartment is on a very high floor, which makes me feel more secure.

God, should I stay here? I have no idea. I feel like leaving, I want to go home, but I don't have a home anymore.

No, Elina. Don't think about it. You can't afford to be sad right now.

I hear a noise at the front door and my heart races. I should try to hide, run away in case it's those men again, but I'm so terrified that I can't move.

I clasp my hands in my lap, and only when I see the huge figure of Odin do I allow myself to breathe again.

Despite that, I don't move.

We stare at each other in silence, his face still in the shadows.

I don't know if I should have come here. It feels like too much intimacy after our deal. I don't want to confuse things in my head. Also, as my mother repeated over and over again, I need to start taking care of myself.

However, all those resolutions are shattered when he comes over and takes me in his arms.

At first I remain rigid, trying not to need, not to want the comfort he is offering me, but he doesn't seem ready to give up. He hugs me tightly, very close to him.

And then, something strange happens.

Odin is powerful, unshakable, the kind of man who never shows fear, but I feel like something's going on with him right now. Our hug isnot a normal hug; it’s like nothing I've ever gotten in my life. The hug of someone who won't let anyone hurt me.

And so, without my permission, my body starts to shake violently. I want to make it stop, but I can't. It's as if it doesn't obey my brain's commands.

The feeling of abandonment hits me and, along with it, the tears of a lifetime.

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