Page 79 of Obey

Jagger drops his fork with a clang on his plate, and his mouth hangs open like a gaping fish. “You want sex?” The words are slow like he’s rolling them around in his mouth and they taste funny.

Nodding, I don’t back down. “I do. I feel like waiting for this big thing to happen is making me anxious. I want to get it over with so it’s no big deal. I’ve done it before. I mean, it’s been a while, but I have. It’s hanging over me, and I’m getting more and more nervous about it.”

He’s quiet for a long moment before he returns my nod. “Okay. We can do that. What else you got?”

Huh. I was not expecting that.

I pull out the piece of paper I put together from the internet. It’s got a section for definitions, safewords, boundaries, punishments and rewards, and responsibilities.

If I’m honest with myself, it’s terrifying.

“Half-Pint?”

My head jerks up toward the sound of his voice. “Yeah?”

“We don’t need that.” He gestures at the papers in my hand. “Not right now, anyway. We can start super slow. If we decide we want to formalize our relationship we can fill in all of thosepages. But for now, let’s say we’re going to date each other, try new things together. We have a safeword. We’ll work on limits together because you don’t really know what you like and don’t like yet, so you probably have no idea where your limits are yourself. We’ll figure it out as we go. Together.”

What he says makes sense, but it sounds like he’s making a lot of allowances for the fact I’m so vanilla. “But won’t you get, I don’t know, bored? Impatient? What about you? And your needs? Surely that’s in here.” I rustle the pages.

He puts his fork down on the table. “Talia, I don’t have a preconceived list of things I need or want from a relationship. It’s about give and take, exploring together. This.” He points between us. “Is very new for me, too. So it makes sense to me that we just figure it out as we go. I don’t need a contract. I don’t need a list of things I absolutely need to do with you or to you. I want to please you. If you don’t like something I like, then I won’t like it, because you don’t. And we won’t know what those things are until we try them.”

What he says makes a lot of sense, and soothes the unease swirling in my stomach.

“Would I prefer to know you’re eating right, sleeping right, and drinking enough water? Absolutely. Kink scenes are draining mentally and physically and if you don’t start off in the right space, it could be dangerous, or lead to injury. But it’s not from a place of bossing around, it’s because I care about you and your wellbeing.”

“Same reason I really wanted you to let me fix up Bessie. I don’t want to expel energy worrying about the fact your car isn’t going to get you to where you need to be, when a simple tune up in my garage would put my mind at ease. It’s not about controlling you, it’s about making sure you’re safe, healthy, and happy. Those are my primary concerns in a relationship with you.”

He cups my chin, stroking my face with his thumb. “If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. If you’re not healthy, I’m not healthy. And if you’re not safe, I’m not safe. It’s just that simple.”

I’m pretty sure that dreamy sigh I heard came from inside my body. This man isn’t at all what I expected him to be. When he leans in to kiss me, his breath tickles my face. “Jagger.” There’s an ache in my chest I can’t identify or define. Like I need to be closer to him, I need him to feel these emotions welling up inside me.

I can’t articulate these feelings, it’s a surge of warmth consuming my whole body. “That’s beautiful.” I don’t know why my voice is trembling, or why my eyes are brimming with tears.

His face softens as he smiles. “I think a lot of people assume kink is dark and dangerous and brutal and full of pain. But kink is whatever you want it to be, baby girl. And as your Daddy it’s my job to take care of you and protect you, even from yourself. You won’t always like what I ask you to do, but it will always come from a space of wanting what’s best for you.”

“This feels even scarier than feeling pain and being controlled and told what to do.”

He nods. “I’ve found the depths of emotion, for me, not necessarily for everyone else, are more amplified in a kink space. The level of trust, the layers of interaction between people, the vulnerability. It’s all... more.”

He slides his hand down the front of my throat. “Anyone can have sex. Dick in pussy. It’s a tale as old as time.” He adds pressure to the side of my neck. “But how many people can you name that you trust with your very breath?”

He doesn’t linger. We haven’t talked about choking, but he’s made his point and let’s go of my throat. Or at least I thought he had made his point. He pushes up from his chair and moves to stand behind me. He covers my eyes, but when he speaks, his voice is so close to my ear goosebumps spread across my skin.

“And how many people can you trust to be your eyes when yours are covered?”

I hadn’t thought about that when he had me blindfolded on the bed, but it makes a lot of sense. Giving that level of trust to another person, especially when you combine it, for example with restraints, is a heavy weight to carry. And far more complex than simply sleeping with someone.

My breathing quickens as he stands there, covering my eyes. Not because I’m anxious or afraid, but the memories of being restrained, of the spreader bar, and of him touching me flood my body in waves of ferocious heat.

“Sex itself is vulnerable, but adding in elements that require unwavering faith in the other person makes it more so. At least in my opinion.” He blows air across my neck. “When you meet someone new, you should work up to trusting them.” His lips sweep across the sensitive skin under my ear. “You handed it to me on a platter, tied up with a pretty bow as soon as we met.” Another kiss. A pained groan like he’s fighting the urge to ravage me right there on the table. The building ache between my thighs wouldn’t be angry about it if he did.

“It made me mad, Half-Pint. I’m not going to lie.” His teeth sink into the skin, making me whimper, sending a shiver skating all over my body, his touch heightened by my temporary loss of sight.

He never mentioned being mad at the club, though. He didn’t seem at all angry.

“The idea you’d hand over something as precious as your trust to some grumpy fucker you met on a random plane was incomprehensible to me.” Another nip, another whine slips out from between my lips.

“Your trust is a valuable asset, baby girl. We don’t give it out to just anyone.” When he punctuates his sentence by licking theside of my neck, I’m clenching my thighs together so hard the muscles hurt.

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